“What’s the point?” Desi said. “None us of can play bass besides Gavin. We’re going to look like idiots.”
I looked around and didn’t see Prudence anywhere, nor her guitar. I stepped toward Desi, feeling the panic rise. “Where’s Prudence?”
They all looked up when they heard me. And none of them looked happy.
“We have no fucking idea,” Gavin said. He looked pissed. “Why don’t you tell us?”
What was going on? “Is she not here?”
“Obviously,” Desi spat. “She left the band.”
“What?” My heart accelerated. “What do you mean she left?”
“I mean exactly what I said.” Desi crossed her arms over her chest. “She said this band was a waste of time and she needed to get back to reality. So she left.”
This couldn’t be happening. She wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to me. “Did she go back to London?”
Desi shrugged. “I don’t know. But she wanted me to give you this.” She handed me a letter. My hand shook when I took it. I opened it quickly and saw her scripted handwriting.
Cash,
It was just too hard for me to say goodbye. Over the past few months, I’ve gotten much closer to you than I anticipated—very attached. It hurts knowing I won’t make dinner for you again, I won’t hear you snore in the middle of the night, I’ll never make love to you again…and seeing that same look on your face is too difficult to bear.
So I’m making it easy on you—on both of us.
You said this was a temporary relationship and I accept that, but I did love the time we had together. And I’m sad it’s over.
I’m sorry for being such a coward and leaving before you had any idea. I’m going back to London where I belong. I’ve come to realize music isn’t right for me. I’m going to put that flashy degree to use.
Thank you for giving me such a wonderful summer. I’ll never forget all the nights we whispered to one another, all the laughs we had, and I’ll never forget your family. I got attached to them as well. Your mother was the mom I never had, as odd as that sounds.
Don’t worry about me bothering you. I never will. You made it clear what you wanted from me. I wish you all the best.
Your musician,
Prudence.
I took a deep breath then read it again. The pain shot through my arm and into my heart. My muse was gone. And I couldn’t get her back. She had no idea that I loved her. She thought I was done using her and couldn’t wait until she left. She couldn’t be more wrong. And that knowledge hurt most of all.
I had to tell her how I felt. I pulled out my phone and made the call. It didn’t go through. I kept getting the operator.
“What the fuck?” I snapped.
“She changed her number,” Gavin said.
“Then give it to me.”
Desi shook her head. “She wouldn’t give it to us either. She said she needed her space.”
“Why?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Gavin snapped. “She’s madly in love with you and you don’t feel the same way. She needs to lick her wounds, and when she does, I’ll be there for her—not you. It should have been me. It’s always been me.”
I was too upset to be angry at his words. All I was thinking about was Prudence. She loved me? Did she say that? “She said she loved me?”
Gavin rolled his eyes.
“Answer me!” I was too on edge to deal with his bullshit.
“No. But it’s fucking obvious.” He looked away. “Why else would she move in with you?”
It was just a theory. That wasn’t proof. But I entertained the thought. What if she did?
“I need to talk to her. How do I get a hold of her?”
“If I knew, I’d be with her right now.” Gavin glared at me.
I immediately thought of Jeremy. He was the only person in the world she wouldn’t cut out of her life. He was my only hope. “Give me Jeremy’s number.”
“Fuck you,” Gavin said. “Why would I? You were a fucking asshole and used her all summer. Why would I do a bloody thing to help you?”
I clenched my fist but didn’t punch him. It wouldn’t get me closer to finding Pru. I turned to Desi in desperation. “Please.”
She gave me a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry…”
I opened my wallet and pulled all the hundred dollar bills out. “Mason, here’s the money for a new drum set. Just give me the number.”
He eyed it hesitantly.
Gavin looked at him and shook his head. “We stand by each other. We would never betray Prudence.”
I was ready to explode. “If she loves me and I love her, wouldn’t you want to help me find her?”
“Then why did she leave?” Gavin said.
“You fucker. You want this to happen.”
Gavin said nothing.
“If you really wanted her to be happy, you would help me. But you don’t. You want her all to yourself.”
He shrugged. “Guilty.”
I looked at Desi. “You’re her best friend. Do the right thing here.”
She wouldn’t look at me. “I’ve never seen her so sad before. When she told me your arrangement, I had no idea she would get so hurt. I can’t betray her. If she wanted you to find her, she wouldn’t have changed her number.”
I gripped my head in frustration. “Fuck.”
“I think you should leave,” Gavin said. “And don’t bother looking for Prudence. You won’t find her.”
I stormed out the back then tried to catch my breath. The love of my life was gone. If I just told her I loved her when I realized it, she’d still be there. And if she felt the same way, we’d be happy. But I would never know. She was gone.