I already forgave him before I even said it. After the trauma his ex put him through, I could understand why he felt that way. She humiliated him and broke his heart. Something he didn’t deserve. But I forgave him for another reason. Because I loved him. “It’s okay. I understand.”
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“But I’m hurt you’d think I do anything like that. We’ve spent every day together for three months. I think it’s pretty clear that I don’t want anything from you.”
“I know…”
“And you’re a TV producer. That has nothing to do with music.”
“I still know people.”
“Cash, I would never expect you to stick out your neck for me. If I land a record deal, it’ll be because I worked for it. I don’t need your help—or anyone’s help.” Even though he told me how amazing I was at every show, I wondered if he meant any of it.
“Now I feel like a jackass.”
“It’s okay…you’ve been hurt.”
He kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you for understanding.”
“What kind of shows do you work on?”
“The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.”
She raised an eyebrow. “I’ve never heard of it.”
“It’s a big show. Everyone has seen it. If not, they’ve heard of it.”
“How did you get into that?”
“My dad. He was in the film industry his entire career. I followed in his footsteps.”
“Is that why you’re so wealthy?”
He nodded. “Unfortunately, I didn’t work for it in the beginning. But now I do.”
“That’s cool. You’re lucky you get to pursue your passion and make a living out of it. A good living. I’ll never be able to pay rent as a musician. But a girl can dream.”
He stared at my face. “I know you’ll be discovered by the right person.”
I highly doubted that but I kept my pessimism to myself. I didn’t want him to do any favors for me, especially if he felt guilted into doing them.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cash Matthews
My time with Prudence was coming to an end. And I was devastated. I wouldn’t see her everyday. I wouldn’t see her at all. My bed would be empty and cold. I wouldn’t be able to sleep. My hollow and pathetic existence would return. I was alone.
I’ve never felt this way before. Did that mean anything? Was I in love with her? Was that even possible?
Sharon really fucked me up. I didn’t think it was possible to let someone else into my heart. But did I let Prudence in without realizing it? And if I did, should I let her stay there?
Should I ask her to stay with me? When she kissed me, I felt like there was something there, something deep and powerful. When she clung to me in the middle of the night, it didn’t seem like she wanted to let go. When I thought I heard her cry in the bathroom, the faucet would turn on. And then I couldn’t hear a thing.
What was happening to me?
The arrangement I had with women was smart. There was no possibility of getting hurt. There was no possibility of another betrayal. It was simple and easy. Just what I needed.
But then Prudence came into my life.
That beautiful musician sung her way directly into my heart, bringing me out of my hollow existence. I’ve never laughed so much with a single person. I’ve never been with a woman without protection. I couldn’t remember the last time I made love to someone….was I in love with her? Should I stop her from leaving?
But then reality set in. She wanted to leave. She didn’t want to stay with me. If she did, she would have said something by now. I wished she’d felt differently. I wished her piece of shit ex-boyfriend hadn’t burned her so badly. She seemed determined to spend the rest of her life alone. I replayed our conversation from three months ago. She said I made her happy because our relationship was meaningless. She wasn’t afraid to get hurt. That hurt me like hell.
No, I shouldn’t say anything. That wasn’t a good idea. I wouldn’t put myself out there just to get rejected. That would make our last moments together awkward. I could never take back those words, and she would never forget the memory. That isn’t how I wanted Prudence to remember me. I wanted to be a happy memory, a time of laughter and joy. So I kept it to myself.
My brother and I went out for a beer and to watch a baseball game. We hadn’t been spending much time together this past month. I’d been soaking up every ounce of Prudence before she left. I didn’t have much time left. But she had practice with her band, and I didn’t want to be alone. It just made me depressed.
“How’s Prudence?” Denver asked. He finished his scotch then moved onto a beer. His eyes didn’t leave the TV as he spoke.
“Fine.”
Denver detected the despair in my voice. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah.” I drank my beer then watched the screen. Hopefully, he’d believe me. If not, he’d pull everything out of me until I was dry. He could be such a fucking girl sometimes.
“Are you sure?”
“Denorfia, come on!” He missed the ball when it was hit into the outfield. I hoped the outburst would change the subject.
“Cash?”
Fuck. “What?”
“You seem…down.”
“Because the Padres are losing.”
“Cash, come on.”
I hated my brother. “Prudence and I…we’re having a hard time.” Actually, I was having a hard time. She was perfectly fine. Leaving me behind didn’t bother her at all. Fuck, that hurt.
“What’s going on?”
I didn’t know how to answer that. “We’re just…fighting.”
“About what?”
“Nothing important.” I kept my eyes glued to the TV. “These refs are rigged, I swear.”
“Just apologize.”
I chuckled. “If only it were that simple.”
“Cash, you better not lose her. I’ll kill you. And Mom will kill you again.”
My family had fallen in love with her. I never should have brought her around. They were going to take the breakup worse than I would. I couldn’t lie to my brother anymore. And I needed to get the pain off my chest. He was the closest friend I had besides Prudence. “I need to tell you something.”