“I was there. I mean I was thinking about death and the inevitability of death and wondered why I was fighting it. I told myself that I was fooling myself that I would ever see my family again. Why continue to be strong and endure when it was pointless?”
She let out a small sound of distress and leaned in closer.
“And then she spoke to me.”
Rachel tilted her head again. “Who did?”
“I don’t know,” he said. He wouldn’t say her name. She’d begged him not to tell anyone about her. He was breaking that promise here with Rachel, but he would at least not give her name. Even if she wasn’t real, it was important that he not betray her. “Maybe she was an angel. Maybe I imagined her. But she saved me.”
“Even after my memory grew so hazy with the drugs they gave me, I held on to Ethan. His name. His image. As time went on, I convinced myself he wasn’t real and that he was just my own personal warrior or angel. Take your pick. But he got me through my darkest days. I convinced myself that he would save me. Maybe it was all I had. It was either cling to that belief or just give up. I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“That’s not everything,” Nathan muttered. “We talked. I mean really talked. And the thing is…Boy, does this get crazier by the minute. The thing is, I couldn’t have imagined her because she emailed Van.”
Rachel pulled sharply away. “You mean the email he got telling him you were in Korengal Valley? The one telling him to talk to Joe?”
“That’s the one.”
Rachel pursed her lips and blew out her breath. “Okay, so when you say you talked to this woman, you mean like she was in the next cell? Or she was part of the group of people who kept you prisoner?”
It would be so easy to say yes. He should say yes and just forget this whole conversation. He’d refused to even discuss the email with his brothers. They were frustrated as hell because they wanted answers, but if they even brought it up, Nathan shut down.
“Nathan?” she prompted when the silence grew longer.
“Look, just forget it. It’s not important.”
She reached forward with surprising strength and pulled his hands toward her. She clasped them and stared up at him, her expression fierce.
“It is important. Talk to me, Nathan.”
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for listening, Rachel. Really. But this is something I’ve got to work out on my own.”
He saw the frustration in her eyes but also her understanding as he pulled away. Then she pushed forward and hugged him again.
“We love you, Nathan. We all do. Just remember that.”
The door to the patio opened and Ethan stepped out but then hesitated when he saw Nathan and Rachel.
“Hey, man, get your own woman. I should have known you’d be off sweet-talking mine.”
Nathan grinned and relaxed. This he could handle. Typical banter. He hadn’t realized how much he just wanted to revert back to old times where his brothers gave him shit instead of looking at him like he was a quarter off a full dollar.
But then he hadn’t helped in that area. If he wanted to be treated normally, he needed to stop putting up walls between him and his family.
“I can’t help if a pretty woman prefers my company,” Nathan drawled.
Ethan ambled forward and slid an arm around Rachel. “You two avoiding the family out here? I seem to remember Rachel slipping out here a time or two when things got overwhelming.”
“I was just telling her how amazing I think she is.”
Ethan smiled. “Well, I can’t argue with that.”
“Okay, you two, enough,” Rachel grumbled.
She slipped out of Ethan’s grasp, gave Nathan another quick hug and then headed inside, leaving Nathan alone with his brother.
“Everything okay, man?” Ethan asked when Rachel had shut the door.
“She’s pretty damn special,” Nathan said, ignoring the question.
“Yeah, I know. You two have a lot in common.”
Nathan’s lips quirked upward. “Oh? You think I look as good in a dress as she does?”
Relief flared in Ethan’s eyes at the comeback, but then his expression grew more serious. “No, I meant you’re both survivors.”
CHAPTER 11
NATHAN’S eyes flew open and the splash of stars in the inky midnight sky instantly swam in his vision. They loomed close then backed away, and the world spun crazily around him.
He tried to sit up in the sleeping bag and promptly fell over, weak and disoriented. His mind was clouded, and random images flashed, none making sense.
Strange men, yawning faces and a sense of overwhelming fear.
What the hell was happening to him? He hadn’t drunk that much beer. Certainly not enough to get a buzz, much less stupid drunk.
This wasn’t like his other panic attacks. He hadn’t been dreaming. It was one of the few nights that his mind had been blissfully free of the past.
There was such a sense of dread overwhelming him that his breaths puffed out and his stomach rebelled. His chest burned from the pressure. It was as if weight pressed down on him from every angle.
And then he felt her. Just one brief moment, as if she were desperately trying to reach out to him.
Shea.
Scared. Terrified.
It was her panic he felt. Her disorientation.
Shea!
He screamed her name in his mind. Then he yelled it hoarsely, the sound echoing through the night.