Garrett’s mouth dropped open. He and Sam exchanged bewildered looks. Sam flopped onto the recliner catty-corner to the couch.
“Okay, you have to back up, sweet pea. Because I’m not getting any of this. Ethan thinks you and I had an affair?”
“He wanted a divorce. He demanded one,” she said painfully.
“Holy f**k,” Garrett hissed. “Has he lost his goddamn mind? He said all this tonight? After you almost went over a f**king bridge?”
Garrett’s face was getting redder by the minute. He looked like he was about to explode, and she rushed to diffuse the situation.
“I’m explaining this badly. No, not tonight. Oh God, Garrett. I think I’m losing my mind.”
Sam leaned forward, his voice soft and even. “Take your time, honey. Back up and tell us everything.”
She dragged a hand through her hair. She was so tired. Just hours before she’d felt like she could conquer the world. She’d been happy. She’d been secure in Ethan’s love. Finally she’d thought her life was back on track, and now everything was so messed up.
“Were we happy?” she asked. “Did you think Ethan and I were happy? I mean before I died.”
Neither answered, and maybe they thought it was a rhetorical question. She sighed and continued on.
“I’ve been having these dreams. Nightmares really. In all of them Ethan is angry. So angry. He’s shouting. I’m bewildered and feel helpless. I wondered if my insecurities were just manifesting themselves in my dreams because Ethan has been so perfect since he rescued me. Everything has been so . . . perfect. I’ve wanted to tell him I love him, but the thought always terrified me. Something always held me back. Tonight, though, I finally told him, and he was so overcome. And then I went to sleep and had the most horrible nightmare again.”
“What is your nightmare?” Sam asked gently.
“More shouting. More anger. The knowledge that he hates me. He was shoving these papers at me.”
Remembering that she’d stuck them into the waistband of her sweatpants, she pulled them out now and held them in trembling hands.
“I got up to look for them because in the dream it felt like my world was coming to an end when I saw them. Now I know why.”
“What are they?” Garrett asked quietly.
Tentatively she held them out and he took them from her. Sam got up to switch on the lamp, and she blinked at the sudden wash of light.
Garrett stared at the papers in disbelief while Sam read over his shoulder with a similar look of incredulity.
Garrett looked back up at her. “These are dated before . . . before you left. What the hell?”
“Am I living a lie, Garrett? He said some terrible things before I left. I don’t remember everything. God, I wish I did. I only have bits and pieces, but he was so angry. He wanted out. He accused me of having an affair with you.”
“Holy f**k,” Sam muttered.
Garrett was still gaping at her like he couldn’t wrap his brain around the accusation.
“Jesus, no. We never had an affair, Rachel. I swear it. It wasn’t even a thought. Shit, you’re like my little sister. And it was always Ethan for you. Since the day you two met there was never anyone else for you. It was the same for him, or at least I thought so.”
“I don’t know what to do.” She hated the miserable, helpless feeling those words evoked. “He threw those papers at me the day I left for South America. I left with the knowledge that my marriage was over. And now a year later he loves me? None of that ever happened? How am I supposed to reconcile the two versions of our marriage?”
Sam sat down on the other side of her and put his palms against his temples.
“Obviously there is a lot I didn’t know—that we all didn’t know—about what was going on with you and Ethan before you left, but honey, it nearly destroyed him when he thought you died. That was not a man who didn’t love you anymore and who wanted out of his marriage. He grieved the entire year you were gone. The only sign of life we saw from him was the day he got that package telling him you were alive. You were his sole focus after that. Getting you back.”
She held her hands up in confusion. “I don’t know what to do. I know now that I never went to any of his family with our problems. I wouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t be here now, but I had to know if I’d somehow betrayed him.”
Garrett’s hand closed around hers. “You can always, always come to me, sweet pea. Ethan is my brother. I love him. But you’re family too. He doesn’t get a free pass just because he’s a Kelly. I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re alone.”
She smiled tremulously and then silently cursed when more tears slid down her cheeks.
The phone rang, startling her. Sam reached over to answer it, and she could hear Ethan’s worried demand even from a few feet away.
Sam looked over at her.
“She’s here, Ethan. She’s fine. Just upset. No, I don’t think it’s a good idea if you come over just yet. We’ll bring her home if that’s what she wants later.”
Sam held the phone away from his ear and shook his head.
“He hung up already. Guess he’ll figure out a way over here.”
Rachel gripped Garrett’s hand tighter.
“You don’t have to talk to him right now,” Garrett said. “Sam and I can toss him out and make him go back home. You get to call the shots here, sweet pea. Okay? You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”