“No, I need to know. I can’t go on like this. I need to reconcile the here and now with the past. Everything I’ve thought about my marriage since coming home is a lie.”
She closed her eyes to the pain those words sent through her heart. The idea that she truly was alone frightened her. The idea that the husband she’d come to love all over again was nothing more than a façade had the power to kill her when a year in captivity hadn’t. Had she survived the impossible only to come home and die a slow death as she watched her hopes and dreams wither?
Garrett pulled her into his arms and held her tight. He kissed the top of her head and murmured words she couldn’t decipher close to her ear.
“Hell of a day,” Sam muttered.
“All I can wonder now is whether it was a relief for him when he thought I died,” she whispered against Garrett’s chest.
“Shhh, sweet pea. That’s crazy talk. I was there when they told him. I was there for your funeral. I’ve watched him become a shell of himself for the last year. And I watched him when he held you again for the first time. I don’t know what happened before, but he loves you. He loves you.”
“I often wondered what went through his head when he came home after your miscarriage and found Garrett staying at the house with you. At the time I thought he was dealing with guilt over not being here with you, but now I wonder if it wasn’t jealousy. Or maybe it was a combination of both.”
Rachel stiffened and drew away from Garrett to stare at Sam. “I lost a baby?”
Sam closed his eyes and cursed. “Christ, I’m sorry. I forget that you haven’t remembered everything. I’m so sorry, honey. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything.”
Her mind was frighteningly numb and blank. To her it certainly appeared her life before her “death” was a complete and utter mess. Was it any wonder she’d blocked the entire thing from her mind? Oh, she knew she had the drugs to blame and that hers wasn’t a case of hysterical amnesia in the clinical sense, but now in the face of the truth, any sane person would have wanted to forget.
She almost laughed. But she wasn’t sane, was she? She felt precariously on the edge, much like being on that bridge just hours ago. Teetering, about to fall over, and with the sickening knowledge there was nothing she could do about it.
“Tell me,” she said faintly.
“You miscarried while Ethan was away on a mission,” Garrett said gruffly. “You were pretty sick afterward so I stayed with you at the house when you got out of the hospital. Ethan got home a week later. Soon after that he resigned his commission.”
She managed a dry laugh. It was either that or sob hysterically. How much more pitiful could her life get? She’d imagined she had the perfect life and perfect marriage. Perfect family. Perfect everything. She couldn’t have been further from the truth.
“I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.
A loud knock at the front door precluded any further discussion of her life or lack thereof, which was just as well. She was having the discussion with the wrong people.
Fear gripped her as she stared nervously at Sam and Garrett. Ethan was here. How could she face him knowing the truth? She wasn’t sure she could bear to look at the love that always softened his features and know that none of it was real.
“You don’t have to talk to him now,” Sam said gently. “He won’t get in here unless I let him. You can stay as long as you like. You can go back home. Just tell us what you want. We’ll make it happen.”
She smiled faintly. “I don’t know why I was so afraid of you in the beginning. You’ve been nothing but kind to me.”
He smiled back and reached over to squeeze her hand.
Garrett touched her hair, and she turned to see concern in his blue eyes. “What’s it going to be, sweet pea? You want to talk to Ethan or you want us to make him go away?”
CHAPTER 35
ETHAN stood at his brother’s front door simmering with impatience. It was locked or he’d already be inside, and if Sam didn’t hurry the f**k up, Ethan was going to break it down.
He raised his fist to pound again when the door opened and Sam stood on the other side, his expression almost accusing.
“Where is she?” Ethan demanded as he shouldered past his brother.
“She’s in the living room,” Sam said stiffly. “With Garrett.”
Sam seemed to be studying him as he spoke, but Ethan didn’t care. He was frantic with worry over Rachel. As he walked by Sam, it looked like Sam wanted to say something to Ethan, but again, Ethan ignored his brother and focused on finding Rachel.
When he entered the living room, he saw Rachel huddled on the couch next to Garrett. It was obvious she was upset, and Garrett raised his head and sent Ethan a look that would have made a lesser man piss in his pants.
Jesus, what the hell was going on?
He dropped to his knee in front of Rachel and pried her hands away from Garrett’s.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked softly. “What happened? I woke and you were gone. Do you have any idea how scared I was? The truck was gone. You were gone. I had to call Sean and ask him to drive me over here.”
She flinched away from him, withdrawing like she couldn’t bear to touch him. He stared at her in shock.
Garrett got up and backed away until he stood close to Sam.
“Do you want us to stay, Rachel?” Garrett asked in a quiet voice.
Ethan looked between them, more confused than ever. Something was going on here that he himself was clueless over. A sick feeling settled into his stomach. Had she remembered everything?