“Nah, I’ll head back to the chopper. I’ll check back with you guys in a few hours.”
Steele shrugged. “Suit yourself.”
A hand closed around Ethan’s shoulder and gently shook him awake. Beside him, Rachel lay curled in his arms. He turned his head to see Sam standing over him.
“What the hell happened?” Sam demanded in a whisper.
It took Ethan a few minutes to process that Sam was looking at Rachel’s blood-spattered clothes.
Carefully, Ethan eased away from Rachel and awkwardly got up from the bed. Every muscle in his body protested, and he had a monster crick in his neck from sleeping in such a cramped position.
“Get much sleep?” Sam asked.
“Not much. Rachel’s in pretty bad shape.”
Sam put a hand on Ethan’s shoulder. “We’ll get her home. She’s going to be fine. She’s a fighter. How else would she have survived this last year?”
“She shouldn’t have had to. I should have been here for her.”
“Bullshit.”
Ethan remained silent. Only he knew the depths of his failure when it came to Rachel. He didn’t want Sam to know. Ever. He couldn’t stand the disappointment in his older brother’s eyes. Their father had always drilled a sense of honor into them. Do right by your woman. His thirty-plus years married to their mother was a testament that he lived by his word.
Not only had Ethan not done right by Rachel, but he’d ducked responsibility, and he’d laid the blame for his own unhappiness at her feet.
“You can’t live in the past, man,” Sam said in a voice barely above a whisper. “Rachel needs you. Get over your guilt and be strong for her. You’ve got some tough days ahead of you.”
Ethan nodded, though he doubted Sam could see him in the darkness. Sam was right. For whatever reason, he’d been granted a precious second chance. No, he didn’t deserve it, but he wasn’t going to turn his back on it.
“Maren doesn’t think Rachel should go home just yet, and after what happened earlier, I think I agree.”
Again Sam’s gaze drifted over Ethan’s clothing. “What the hell happened?”
Ethan explained Rachel’s hallucination and told Sam what Maren had said about monitoring Rachel’s withdrawal and her concern about Rachel going home to a family and life she couldn’t remember.
“She’s worried about the strain it’ll put on Rachel. She thought it would be best for you and the others to go ahead and smooth things out so that her homecoming would be as low-key as possible.”
“I don’t like the idea of leaving you behind,” Sam muttered.
“I’ll stay.”
Ethan and Sam looked up to see Garrett standing in the doorway.
Sam shook his head.
“You don’t get to make all the decisions,” Garrett said evenly. “I’ll stay with Ethan and Rachel. You can take the others back. Cole, Dolphin and Steele need medical care beyond what they’re getting here. You and Donovan can break the news to the family. Whenever Rachel is well enough, Ethan and I will take her home.”
Ethan nodded. “I think it’s best. If I call Mom and Dad, it’s just going to upset them. They’ll never believe I’m not delusional. They’ll have time to process the news before Rachel gets home. I don’t want her overwhelmed. This is going to be hard enough on her as it is.”
Sam frowned. “I don’t like leaving either of you behind.”
“Ethan and I can handle it,” Garrett said.
Sam let out his breath. “Okay,” he conceded. “That’s what we’ll do. If Maren gives the okay to transport the injured men, we’ll leave in the morning. I want a report every three hours. I’ll have a chopper return for you as soon as Rachel can leave.”
“And what about Maren?” Garrett asked. “I don’t think we should just pack up and leave her without protection.”
“She hasn’t been without protection since we got her out of Africa,” Sam said. “She’s watched. She just doesn’t know it.”
Ethan nodded. And suddenly the thought of going home didn’t hold the comfort it had before.
“Something wrong, Ethan?”
Ethan looked up at Garrett. His brothers always picked up on his moods. Any change or shift no matter how small. At times it was like living under a microscope.
His hands shook, betraying him as he fought to remain steady and unaffected. How was he supposed to be Rachel’s rock when a good stiff wind would blow him right over?
The words stuck in his throat, refusing to roll off his tongue. He was a man who’d seen and experienced the worst the world had to offer, and he’d done it stoically and without fear.
He closed his eyes. “I’m afraid.”
“You have every right to be,” Sam said evenly.
Ethan shook his head. “No. It’s time for me to step up to the plate. Man up and be the husband Rachel deserves. I may not have been afraid in the past, but I was a f**king coward.”
His brothers looked at each other and Garrett shrugged. No, they wouldn’t know what he was talking about. His marriage to Rachel was a study in secrets. Secrets she would have never divulged. She would have never gone to his family with their problems. He’d known it and taken advantage of it.
“I’m afraid she’ll never remember. And then I’m afraid she will,” he said quietly.