She sucked in her breath at the shock of emotion she found. Raw, searing. She couldn’t breathe.
He touched her cheek, slid his finger underneath her ear and to her nape, and then he pulled her carefully forward until her lips were just a breath away from his.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I—”
The words choked her, and before she could try again, his lips touched her cheek. Undemanding and so tender, almost as if he was afraid that the slightest pressure would make her fold.
The knot in her throat grew bigger, as did her panic. Why did the idea of saying the words that had come so naturally just a moment before instill such gut-wrenching fear?
She broke away, twisting in her seat as she gulped for air. Ethan touched her shoulder, tentative and seeking, but she flinched away. She was going to be sick.
“Sam, stop the truck,” Ethan barked.
He caught her arm as Sam veered off the highway. A few seconds later, her door flew open and she surged forward. Sam caught her as her knees buckled and she sank to the ground.
“Deep breaths,” Sam murmured. “Take it easy.”
She shook from head to toe. She was simultaneously hot and cold. Thick sweat soaked her clothing and yet she shivered. Rapid images, harsh and unrelenting, hammered her mind.
Ethan’s face harsh and drawn in anger. Shouting. Demands. Accusations. She covered her ears and shook her head, trying to shut out the ugliness.
“Rachel.”
Ethan’s voice, so far away.
“Rachel, what’s wrong?”
Garrett this time, closer.
“He hates me,” she whispered as tears slipped down her cheeks.
Two sets of arms surrounded her. Hands smoothed her hair back and eased away the tears on her face.
“No one hates you, baby.”
Ethan sounded so fierce, as if he’d single-handedly chase away all her demons.
Slowly the darkness faded away. The voices stopped their assault and the coldness dissipated, leaving warmth.
She sagged, her head falling forward. Strong fingers kneaded her neck while other hands supported her shoulders.
“Let’s get you back in the truck,” Garrett said.
Before she could respond, Ethan picked her up and cradled her close. His chest heaved, and she opened her eyes to see such pain reflected on his face. He looked . . . tortured.
“I’m tired,” she whispered as she leaned her head against his neck.
“Then sleep, baby. I’ll wake you when we get home.”
Ethan ducked into the back and laid her on the seat. He retreated, closing the door, and then walked around to the other side. He climbed in and picked up her head and pillowed it on his lap.
The slamming of the front doors signaled Sam and Garrett getting in, and then came the roar of the engine and the low hum underneath her back as Sam maneuvered back onto the road.
I really am losing my mind. Maybe I already lost it. Maybe I’ll never get it back.
She closed her eyes as more tears gathered and spilled silently down her cheeks.
Ethan watched helplessly as silver, damp trails marked a path over her pale skin. What had she meant? Was she remembering? Was her mind tortured with memories of their marriage? Was she putting it all together so soon?
He hates me.
He wanted to puke. Who had she been talking about? God don’t let it be him. Don’t let her ever think he hated her. He’d die before ever letting her think that even for a moment.
I love you.
The words she’d said so easily to Garrett haunted him. He wanted so desperately to hear them from her lips. Directed at him. Wanted to go back in time to when not a day passed that she didn’t tell him how much she loved him.
But a woman will only go so long putting her heart on the line without getting anything in return. If only he’d just returned them. I love you too, baby. Only in the beginning. Later, he’d nod or even smile. In the end, he didn’t even do that. He’d felt too guilty. The words that were so sweet in the beginning became daggers that slithered insidiously between his ribs and into the vulnerable organs beneath. He’d felt like the worst sort of hypocrite, and so he’d remained silent, until finally she’d stopped saying anything at all.
That had been the worst. He lived each day hoping to hear those words again, only to get angry and resentful when they didn’t come. He punished her for what was his own doing.
“Ethan.”
Ethan looked up to see Sam studying him in the rearview mirror.
Sam sighed. “I wish I knew what to say, man. I know this isn’t easy for you.”
“This isn’t about me,” he gritted out. “It’s about her. It’s all about her. She’s what’s important.”
Sam nodded. “I know that. But you’re hurting too. You’re not a machine. You can’t just shut it off because you don’t want to feel the pain.”
“I can handle anything as long as I get her back,” Ethan said in a low, desperate voice.
At that, Garrett turned, his gaze probing and thoughtful. “You have her back, man. What are you so afraid of?”
Ethan swallowed. Never would he admit to his brothers just how much of a role he’d played in Rachel getting on that plane to South America, how he’d driven her away, rejected her and her love.
How could he possibly ever tell them that what he feared most was losing her . . . again . . . after getting her back?
CHAPTER 16
“RUSTY is gone!” Marlene said as she waved her hands frantically in front of her.