He sighed deeply and wiped a hand over his face, pushing it back into his hair and holding it there at his nape, his knuckles white from his grip.
“I was a selfish, glory-seeking fool.”
Grace winced at the self-condemnation in his voice. “And now? Do they know you’re alive?”
“They do,” Rio said, so soft she almost didn’t hear. “And yet I am dead to them still.”
Grace blinked, not sure she’d heard him correctly. “I don’t understand.”
“You know this part. My sister got involved with a man who was all wrong for her. He was older, controlling. He was a bastard of the first order. He killed her.”
Even though he’d already told her as much earlier, she still winced at how casually violence had been meted out.
“I should have been there. It would have never happened. My father had suffered a heart attack. I never knew. I was too busy out saving the world, or so I thought. In truth, I was drowning in shades of gray so murky that I was treading water you couldn’t see through. My mother was afraid of Rosalina’s husband and there was little my father could do in his failing health.
“I was between missions and having doubts about my purpose. Having doubts that I’d done the right thing. I no longer believed in what we were doing. I wasn’t even sure what master we served. I went to my sister’s house, intending only to see her. I didn’t even know if she had children. I just wanted to look. To make sure she was happy and healthy. What I found was a pregnant woman beaten so badly that she died in my arms, thinking I was a f**king ghost.”
He choked off and covered part of his face with his hand. “I swore vengeance. It was all I could think to do. I felt so damn guilty. I felt responsible. It became my sole mission in life to make the bastard pay for what he’d done. I tracked him down and I killed him. I don’t regret it. He suffered just as Rosalina suffered. And when I was done, I went to my mother and my father and I told them what I’d done. All of it.”
Grace caught her breath and went still against him. She hugged him tighter because she sensed that this was where it had gotten bad. She held her breath, dreading what he would say next.
“I’ll never forget the way my mother looked at me. With such grief and disappointment. My father just looked weary and gray. She said that no son of hers would have ever let his family grieve for his death and that no son of hers would come to her house with blood on his hands, stinkingande the rig of revenge. She then said that in her eyes I was no better than the man who’d killed her daughter and that her son died years before.”
“Oh, Rio,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
“I deserved it,” he said bleakly.
“No one deserves to be denied forgiveness.”
“I turned my back on my family.”
She didn’t argue. There was a lot she could say, but in the end, it wouldn’t make any difference. And he didn’t need meaningless platitudes. Some pain just had to be healed over time. And some wounds took much longer than others to mend.
But she could offer him comfort. The same comfort he’d given to her. She slid off the bed and then climbed onto his lap, straddling his legs as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
He stared into her eyes, his own gaze serious and intense. “You have to understand, Grace. I’ll never turn my back on you. I’m not walking away. I swore I’d protect you and I’ll die before going back on my word. I’ll never let what happened to my sister and to my family happen to you.”
She ran her hand over his brow, pushing at his hair. She stroked softly, hoping her touch was as comforting to him as his was to her. “Had you already walked away from Titan before you went to Rosalina?”
“I hadn’t decided fully yet. As I said, I was between missions. When she died, I quit and spent the next year hunting the bastard. And then after the confrontation with my family, I knew I couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t go back. It felt like a betrayal even though they didn’t acknowledge that I was alive. But even then, I didn’t join KGI for them. I did it for me. Because I wanted to be able to look at myself in the mirror each morning and recognize the person looking back at me. And be at peace with him.”
“Is that why you took the mission to come after me?” she asked curiously. “Was it penance? Did you feel like you had to make up for the past?”
Rio frowned and his expression grew fierce. He caught her chin in his hand and held her firmly in place as his stare blazed over her face.
“Fuck no. You’re not some object to assuage my guilt. Is that what you think? Because you
couldn’t be more wrong. I volunteered to find you because when I looked at you, I saw my future. It was like a flashbang grenade in the face. It all came together in my head. I couldn’t have walked away if I wanted to.”
She stared at him in utter bewilderment.
He rubbed his thumb over her bottom lip and then leaned forward to kiss it. “I don’t expect you to understand it. Hell, I don’t understand it myself. But I do expect you to accept it. And me. Because, honey, whether you realize it or not, I’m going to be a steady presence in your life from now on. It’s just a matter of how and where I fit in when all of this is over with, but I’m telling you right now, I’m not going away.”
CHAPTER 24
IT amused Rio to see Grace so befuddled over his claim. He’d all but told her she was his and she had no choice in the matter. Not that she didn’t. He wasn’t good enough for her, and he damn well knew that. She needed someone far better than him. She deserved better. And if she told him to take a hike…Well, he’d be lying if he said he’d give in gracefully.