The tension eased from his face, and his entire body fell lax in relief.
“It’s odd, actually. I never considered anything. It’s like I went numb to everything around me. I could only focus on what I couldn’t handle, and I felt like I was slipping back into the black hole that consumed me in those early days.”
“So where were you today?”
She realized he hadn’t yet expressed his feelings about the baby, but this wasn’t a normal set of circumstances, and she needed to give him time. Time to understand her and the hurt she’d inflicted these last weeks.
“I was at the doctor confirming the pregnancy.”
“You went alone?” Hurt flickered in his gaze and her heart cracked open.
How could she have done this to him? He’d been nothing but giving, kind, and loving. Willing to open himself and his heart to her, and she’d kept him in the dark.
There was nothing she could say to make it better.
She could only tell him her truth and hope he would forgive. “The minute I sat down in the room, undressed in that gown, and waited for the doctor, I knew I’d made a huge mistake. I wanted you there as much as I realized I wanted the baby.”
He remained silent, so she continued.
“I left the office planning to come straight to you and fill you in, but then…”
“Bernardi,” they said at the same time.
She let out a nervous laugh.
Lucas didn’t say another word, and in the silence, she began to wonder if she’d pushed him too far, hurt him too much. Everyone had their limits, and in not telling him about the baby, maybe she’d surpassed his.
She curled her hands into fists, digging her nails into her skin. She’d thought losing another baby was the worst thing that could befall her, but she realized now there was something equally devastating.
Losing Lucas.
* * *
Maxie might have a concussion, but Lucas was the one whose head was spinning now. A baby? She’d been pulling away because they were having a baby? Of all the scenarios that had gone through his mind, Maxie being pregnant hadn’t been one of them.
“Lucas, say something. Please. I’m sorry I pushed you away, and I never would have terminated the pregnancy,” she reiterated. “I swear it never crossed my mind.”
He grasped her hand and looked into her eyes. “Maxie, you have to understand we have nothing if we don’t have honesty. You don’t have to be happy about something, but you can’t keep something so important to us to yourself. You can’t push me out in some misguided attempt at independence.”
“I know why you’d think that, but this had nothing to do with standing on my own. You’d already proven to me how much you value me and that you allow me to make my own choices. This was sheer panic. I fell back into that depression that—”
“Shh.” He placed a hand over her lips. “I know and I understand. I’m not angry. I’m overwhelmed. And before I even begin to express how else I’m feeling, I want things crystal clear between us.”
She blinked, her eyes big and wide. “Okay.”
“I need to know you trust me enough to come to me when something’s wrong. No matter how big or scary.”
She nodded. “Yes. I understand that now. I swear. I’ve made mistakes but I love you.”
“I love you too, beautiful.” He grinned now, big and wide. “A baby?”
“You’re happy?” she asked.
“Not completely.” As long as he had her where he wanted her, he was going for the full monty.
Her bottom lip trembled, and he didn’t want to torture her. “Do you know why I wasn’t here with you earlier?” he asked.
She shook her head, her eyes narrowed in confusion.
“Because we aren’t married. I’m not your husband. I’m not legally the person who can make decisions for you or be told about your condition. So no, I’m not completely happy.”
Sudden understanding lit her gaze along with a spark of happiness and excitement he hadn’t seen in too long. “Say what you mean, Mr. Monroe.”
He tipped his head back and laughed, knowing that finally, everything was as it should be. As it should have been since they were silly teenagers unwilling to admit their feelings.
“If I’m going to be a father, you’re going to have to make an honest man out of me,” he said with a wink.
“Oh, Lucas.”
He gently clasped the back of her neck and eased her forward until their lips touched. He slid his mouth over hers ever so lightly and whispered, “Will you marry me?”
A salty tear slipped between them, and he leaned back, capturing it with his tongue.
“Yes,” she said, wrapping her arms around him in a grip so tight he might never extricate himself. Which was a good thing, because he didn’t want to.
“Thank God,” he muttered. They’d finally gotten it right. Finally found their time.
“Excuse me.” The same nurse who’d led him in here poked her head in.
Lucas pulled back. “Yes?” he asked, trying not to sound annoyed.
“I have people here who are demanding to see Ms. Sullivan. I really can’t have more than one or two at a time in here,” she said.
He turned to Maxie. “Kade, Derek, and Lexie are here,” he said.
“That’s so sweet. Go get them,” she said, poking Lucas in the shoulder. “We have our whole lives to be alone. And not in a hospital cubicle.”