Kayleen had heard that from him and still found it hard to believe anyone could think of love as a weakness. Love gave a person infinite power and strength.
“Is there any part of you that wants to marry As’ad?” Lina asked.
The question was unexpected. Kayleen considered her reply. “It seems the easy way out.”
“Which does not give me an answer.”
Did she want to marry As’ad? In truth, the idea wasn’t horrible. He was a nice man and the thought of spending every night in his bed was thrilling beyond words, which probably meant she was in even worse shape than she’d first thought.
But there was more to marriage than the physical, she thought. There was a lifetime of connection. Did she want to have children with As’ad? Be a true mother to the three girls? Live in El Deharia forever?
The swell of longing surprised her. The need to belong—to have roots and a home—swept over her until it was difficult to breathe. She’d been on the outside looking in all her life. To be inside now was more than she’d ever dreamed. But to marry without love?
“I’m tempted,” she admitted. “Marrying As’ad would give me so much. But I’m not in love with him.”
“Practical marriages are a time-honored tradition,” Lina reminded her.
“I’m not royal. He’s a prince. Doesn’t that matter?”
“The old ways have changed. Now a prince may pick his bride. You have qualities such as honor, intelligence and kindness that make you everything I could want for As’ad.”
The gentle praise made Kayleen want to cry again. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“There is more to consider,” Lina said. “As the wife of a prince, you would be in a position to do good on a grand scale, both here and in the world. You could devote yourself to many worthwhile causes, assuming you have time after you and As’ad start to have children.”
Lina painted a picture that was difficult to resist. “Allow me to use some of the intelligence you claim I have to point out you’re manipulating me.”
Lina smiled. “Perhaps a little, but not as much as I could. If I truly wanted to convince you against your will, I would tell you that As’ad needs you. He needs someone who will love him unconditionally and teach him how important love is.”
“I don’t love him.”
Lina’s smile never wavered. “Perhaps you are right, but I’m not convinced. I know you, Kayleen. You wouldn’t give yourself lightly to a man. I think you have feelings for As’ad and it won’t take much for them to grow. Everyone deserves love. Give him his and in time, he will give you yours.”
The idea of being loved was much more powerful than the fantasy of being a princess. Yes, the palace was lovely, but Kayleen would be content to live in a trailer at the ends of the earth if she could be with a man who truly loved her.
Was Lina right? Did she, Kayleen, have feelings for As’ad? Did he need her to care for him?
“What are you thinking?” Lina asked.
“That I don’t know what to do.”
“Then we are in a good place to start finding that out.”
Kayleen forced herself to go to As’ad’s office because it was the right thing to do. She knew that he had only been trying to help and the fact that he’d done it so badly didn’t excuse her behavior or take away his intent. Still, it was embarrassing to face him again after her emotional outburst. She’d slammed a door in his face, both figuratively and literally. He might not be so happy to see her.
She walked into his office. Neil, his assistant, didn’t immediately throw her out, which she considered a good sign.
“Is he available?” she asked.
“Perhaps. Just a moment.” Neil buzzed As’ad and announced her. There was a pause before Neil said, “You may go in.”
Kayleen nodded, then braced herself and opened the door.
The prince rose as she entered. He wore a suit, which was typical, yet everything about him seemed different.
Maybe it was because she knew him. She’d touched his bare skin, had been as intimate with him as it was possible to be. She knew his heat, his taste, his sound. She knew what he could do to her and how she could make him react. Nothing was as it had been and she wondered if it would ever be the same again.
“Kayleen.”
His voice was low, his dark eyes unreadable.
Their last meeting was a blur. She’d been beyond upset, still reeling from the reality of what she’d done. While she’d tried to explain that her feelings were about herself and not him, she wasn’t sure he’d understood or believed her. Oddly, she didn’t want him to feel bad.
She crossed her arms over her chest, then dropped her hands to her sides. The silence stretched between them. It occurred to her that he might be feeling a little awkward after the way she’d rejected him.
Was that possible? Did a prince get upset when his proposal of marriage was thrown back in his face? She couldn’t decide if As’ad was too arrogant to feel rejection or if the lack of it in his life left him unprepared for the sensation.
“I’m sorry,” she told him, meeting his gaze. “You came to me in good faith and made a generous offer. I handled the situation badly. I know you meant well and I should have acknowledged that. You were trying to do the right thing.”
“I was,” he agreed. “But I have blame, as well. I could have phrased things differently and not been so…”