Impossible. Vivid, mushy and sweaty thoughts of her husband made her hot, and squirmy, and it made her ashamed.
She couldn’t do this. Sure, she could do this—pretend marriage. But she couldn’t do the rest.
Her and Landon’s relationship was just a convenient business arrangement that would open beautiful possibilities for her future—her son, specifically.
But even as she reminded herself to keep Landon’s and her expectations in line, in her mind she pictured being coiled so tightly around Landon neither of them could breathe.
Beth! she chastised herself. Remember what happens when they want what you can’t give. What happens when you let yourself fall in love with a man who doesn’t really want or need you.
Sighing, she rolled to her side, and an ache settled around her chest as she thought of David. She closed her eyes and imagined him sleeping, always cherubic—like her very own angel. And she prayed he dreamt of gumdrops and licorice sticks, of puppies and kittens, of anything but the hell going on between his mother and father. “Good night, David. Sleep tight.”
Beth knew for sure that she would not.
Because just down the hall in his big room, in his big shower, bare-chested and most definitely alone, was Landon.
Ten
The weeks passed, each day loaded with a strange mix of companionship and charged pauses, growing friendship and stolen touches, talk of revenge and looks that were heated with longing.
This morning Beth had a strange hole inside her. She couldn’t take his kindness any longer—it made her feel weak and hopeful and besotted, when all she wanted was to feel angry and abused again and concentrate on what most mattered to her.
“Where are we going?” she asked, tearing her eyes away from the scenery and meeting his sharp silver gaze.
Landon lounged in the backseat of the Navigator this Saturday morning, carefree and relaxed in tan slacks and a white polo, but his gaze shone with interesting secrets. One corner of his lips kicked up a notch. “I’ve arranged for you to see David.”
Beth’s every muscle jerked at that, and her heart went bonkers in her chest. “You have? How? When?”
“I spoke to a mother of one of his school friends. He’s over for a play date today and I thought—”
“You did not!” she gasped, then covered her mouth with trembling hands. “Ohmigod!”
“Breathe, Beth,” he said, leaning forward in his seat, his eyes crinkling at the sides. “It’s a bit risky. We’re violating the custody arrangement, but we’re compensating your friend with a generous amount in exchange for her silence—and nobody will know as long as David understands he needs to keep quiet. Do you think we can pull this off?”
Her chest moved. “Yes, God, yes! David and I have been keeping secrets from his father for forever—he’ll never tell!”
It depressed her to think that David was too old for his years, but it was true. Ever since he was three, he’d seemed to notice how easily his father angered. He’d loathed the fact that every time his dad felt displeased he’d issue a silent treatment that made both David and Beth want to hide.
But how had Landon managed to set this up? Her mind whizzed with questions, but they all ended with one simple fact, one unerring truth: no matter why, or where, or how Landon had managed to schedule a meeting with her son, the only important thing was that he had.
She would see her son today.
She felt so big all of a sudden it was a wonder she fit inside the car.
As they rounded a corner, Beth’s attention became riveted on a familiar redbrick house. The fenced front lawn was green and trimmed, and a set of bicycles were tossed over on their sides in the driveway. She spotted two kids playing by the rosebushes and her heart soared at the sight of the blond little boy—her little boy. She almost heard music in the background, could practically see his aura shine like an angel’s.
Barely a second after the car halted, Beth shoved the door open and ran across the asphalt to the fence. “David!” she shouted, as she entered the yard and closed the gate behind her.
He pivoted instantly, a baseball in his hand. “Mom?”
His fingers tightened around the ball, but he didn’t run to her. He stayed frozen in place, in loose jeans and a striped T-shirt. He eyed his good friend Jonas first, as if asking for his permission, but all Jonas did was stick his hand out for the ball.
“Sweetie, oh, darling baby,” Beth choked as she dropped to her knees and stretched out her arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”
He crashed into her and Beth’s eyes welled up as they clutched each other. He smelled of shampoo and grass and little boy, and for a moment Beth inhaled as much as she could.
When her pulse calmed, she began asking him what he’d been doing, reminded him his father could not know about this if they wanted to be together again, and then she remembered Landon, now leaning against the car, and she seized David’s little hand and rose to face her husband. The sun made his dark hair gleam and glazed his tanned skin like warmed honey.
His expression was inscrutable, but there was emotion in his eyes. The silver in them had intensified to a sharp polished metal.
She brought David over to the fence. “Landon, this is my son, David. David, this is Mr. Gage.”
Landon’s son would be his age, she realized. Had he wanted to be a dad? He seemed to be ruthlessly suppressing the urge to go back into the car.
“Is he my new daddy?” David asked, blinking.
Her motherly instinct didn’t take long to kick in. Beth quickly began to arrange his shirt, comb his hair, and out of habit, checked his temperature. “He’s mommy’s special friend, my love. And he’s doing everything he can to bring you home with us. With me. Do you want that?”
“Yeah,” he admitted.
Both man and boy continued regarding each other warily. Landon with a hand in his pocket, the other restless at his side.
David kicked the grass. “Does he like horses?”
Smiling because that’s just the thing that her David, the animal lover, would say, she hugged him again. Tight. Had he grown? He’d grown an inch, she was sure of it! “He has two big dogs,” she told him excitedly. “They’re as big as lions. You would like them.”
“Jonas’s mother said you would come. I didn’t believe her but I wanted you to. She said I could make you something and I made you this.” From the back pocket of his jeans, he retrieved a paper and gradually unfolded it to show her a drawing of spaceships and stars that read, “David+Mom.”