As though mentally plotting, too, Kate quietly sipped, watching him over the rim with a little glimmer in her eyes. A glimmer that told him she was definitely onto his plan.
Think what you want, Freckles. But you won’t be going anywhere.
“I’m not backing out until I get my way, Kate. You know this, correct?” Garrett warned with a smile
Kate shook her head, but was smiling, too. “See? And you asked me why I didn’t tell you? There’s your answer. I can’t deal with you right now, Garrett. I need to pack and make plans, help Molly with preparations so I can leave after the wedding.”
“You don’t need to deal with me. I will be the one dealing with you,” he countered as he finished his glass. He snatched another and then gazed out at the gardens, the alcohol already slowing his usually sharp brain. Oh, yes, he was determined.
He just couldn’t imagine his life without Kate in it.
Every family celebration—hell, every family dinner, gathering or festivity—she would be there. Every morning in his office, her delectable croissants would be there. In his mind, his very dark soul, every second of the day, she was there....
“Will you be spending the night here?”
The lights in her eyes vanished at his question, and she nodded sadly. “Your mother said I could use my old room. She doesn’t want me driving alone so late. You know what happened...”
To our fathers, he thought. They’d taken Garrett to watch a rock concert.
Neither had returned.
The reminder made his stomach twist and turn until he thought he’d puke.
He wanted to discuss Florida, take back control, make her promise she would stay and settle this here and now. But he didn’t feel like he was in control of all five senses anymore; he’d drained the second glass already, which brought tonight’s drink count to almost a dozen, so perhaps he could save this for another day.
Setting down the empty glass on the tray, he said, “All right, Kate. Sleep tight. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Garrett.” Her voice stopped him, and he turned from the terrace door. There was regret in her eyes, and he worried she’d see the truth of his torment in his. Then she sadly shook her head. “Happy birthday.”
“You know what I want from you for my birthday, don’t you?” he asked, his voice so low she’d probably barely heard it.
For a long, charged moment, their gazes held. The wind rustled the bottom of her dress and pulled tendrils of hair out of her bun. Watching the way the breeze caressed her, he felt unraveled on the inside with crazy thoughts about tucking that hair behind her ear, feeling the material of her silky dress under his fingers.
“What?” she asked, sounding breathless. “What is it that you want for your birthday?”
Her eyes had glazed over. Now her chest heaved as though his answer made her nervous and, at the same time, excited, and for a moment, Garrett felt equally nervous, and equally excited. For that fraction of a second, he just wanted to say one word, just one word, that would change their lives unequivocally in some way. But he forced himself to say the rest.
“You,” he whispered, barely able to continue when he noticed the way her cheeks flushed, the way she licked her lips. “Here. I want you here on my next birthday. I want you here every day of the year. That’s all I want, Kate.”
* * *
You...
Kate felt strangely melancholy, lying in her old bed, in her old room, with its decorations still left over from her childhood. She didn’t want to think that this was the last time she’d be sleeping here, a door away from Garrett. She didn’t want to think it’d be the last birthday she spent with him and that some other guy she’d meet in Florida, a cabana boy or whatever, would be the one she’d settle down with.
She’d been barely seven when she buried her dad, and in that strange reflective moment when a grieving child gains the maturity of an old person, Kate had realized that her chance to be loved, to belong to something and someone, was now buried six feet under, in a smooth wood coffin.
She’d never blamed Garrett for anything, at least not at first.
She hadn’t been told what had happened in the beginning. She’d only learned that two men had been murdered and the killers had been caught and would spend their lives behind bars. Which had seemed like such an easy punishment, compared to how her father and Garrett’s had lost their lives. Garrett and his brothers had grieved their father, and Kate and Molly had quietly grieved their own. But then she had overheard a conversation Garrett’s mother had had with the police, and Kate had found out what really happened. She had felt betrayed, kept from the truth by their whispers. Garrett’s betrayal had hurt most of all.
She’d always had a soft spot for that dark-haired boy, and she’d felt like he hadn’t even cared enough for her to tell her the truth. That her father had not died to save his dad. He had died to save Garrett. She’d rushed up to him one day and told him he should be ashamed of himself. She’d asked him how he could stand there with that poker face, and laugh, and try to pretend nothing had happened, when it had been his fault! Her father had died protecting Garrett from the gunshots. All because Garrett hadn’t run for cover when he should have. She’d been angry because they’d all lied to her, to her and poor innocent Molly, who was merely three and lonely. But she had been especially angry at Garrett.
She’d regretted the words instantly, though, when she’d seen the way his neck had gone red, and his fisted hands had trembled at his sides, and his eyes had gone dead like she’d just delivered the last blow that he’d needed to join the two men down under.
The death wish the boy had developed afterward had alarmed the family to such an extent that the Gage matron had asked Kate to please talk to him. Horribly remorseful, Kate had approached him one day and apologized. She’d realized that her father would have done that for anyone, which was true. No matter how painful it had been to speak, she’d said that it had been his job, and he had done it well. He was a hero. Her hero, and now he was gone.
Garrett had listened gravely, said nothing for long moments, and Kate had felt a new, piercing sense of loss when she realized in fear that she and Garrett would never be friends again. They would never be able to cope with this huge loss and guilt again.
“I wish it had been me.”
“No! No!” She’d suddenly hated herself for having planted this in his head, for not coping well with this strange anger and neediness inside her. Maybe she’d been so angry because all she’d wanted was for someone to put his arms around her and Molly and say it would be okay, even if it was a lie and it would never be okay.