“I know you’re right but I promised myself I wouldn’t be one of those mothers who left her child in someone else’s care while she ran all over the place. It feels wrong, especially with him still being a baby.” She headed over to the bar and poured herself a half glass of wine.
Jacob was happily playing with some of his toys on the floor. Jessica and Alex sat on the couch and watched him amuse himself.
“You’re a great mother. If you take care of your own need as well as his, you’ll always be a great mother. Women who sacrifice everything for their husbands or children end up resentful. You don’t want that to happen do you?”
Jessica looked at Alex, slightly puzzled. This was one of the most real conversations they’d ever had. It was nice to come home and voice her concerns with the man she loved. Her world stopped as she realized she really did love Alex. She’d tried to avoid it but she loved her time with him. She loved how he was with their son and she loved what he stood for.
She was so afraid her face would somehow show her newfound feelings so she stood up, under the pretense of checking a toy Jacob was playing with. She composed her features, then turned back towards Alex.
“Thanks Alex. I needed to hear that. I’ll take a little me time and not feel guilty about it. I’m going to wash up and change for dinner.” She didn’t give him time to answer her. She quickly slipped from the room and headed to her shower, where she could wash her worries away.
By the time Jessica came back downstairs, dinner was ready and Jacob was seated in his high chair. He was happily stuffing creamed food into his own mouth. More food was on him than in him but he enjoyed himself so it was okay.
“I hope you had a great first day at work,” Julia said.
“It was very nice. How did the day go with Jacob?”
“He was his usual happy self. He took only a short nap this afternoon though, so I think he’ll be ready for bed early tonight. He’s almost finished with his supper so I’ll take him up for a bath while you eat.” Jessica was happy they’d found Julia. She knew Julia loved Jacob as much as Alex and she did. She was certainly an invaluable member of their family now.
“Thank you Julia. I know I don’t say it enough but I’m grateful you’re a part of our family. I could’ve never spent the afternoon away from my son if I wasn’t one hundred percent sure he was in capable hands.” Jessica got up and gave Julia a hug.
“The honor’s all mine. You have a beautiful family and I’m very happy to be a part of it,” Julia said before heading off to bathe Jacob.
Alex and Jessica finished their supper in an almost uncomfortable silence. When they were talking about Jacob or making love they were in perfect harmony. In any other situation the silence was awkward.
“I’ll be going to my brother’s ranch tomorrow,” Alex finally broke the silence.
“That’s good. You haven’t taken a day off in a while,” Jessica replied.
“He has a roundup that needs done and then we’re all going to meet for a barbeque afterwards,” he continued.
Jessica was nervous. She hadn’t been around his family since the wedding. Joseph and Katherine came over regularly to play with Jacob and Alex had taken the baby over to his siblings a couple of times but there hadn’t been any family gatherings. She was nervous to face them all as a group.
It was especially nerve wracking to be around Lucas and Amy. They were so obviously in love with each other and she herself felt like such a fraud. Jessica knew each day she spent with Alex she fell a little bit more in love but she also knew he didn’t return the feelings. If they didn’t have Jacob together they wouldn’t have a marriage at all.
“I’m not sure if I’ll be able to attend tomorrow but if you want to have your parents stop by and grab Jacob that would be okay,” she tried to say nonchalantly.
Alex stared at her for a few moments before responding. “Look Jessica, I understand my family can be overwhelming and you’re still trying to get used to everything but they would be hurt if you didn’t come. Your parents will even be there. Can you please just forget about everything else going on for one day and come enjoy yourself?” he asked, while never breaking eye contact.
Jessica knew once again she’d been defeated. Her parents would drag her there anyway if they saw she didn’t show up. She could try and fake an illness but her mother knew her more than anyone. She would take one look at her and it would be over.
“I just had to work on an article I was writing but I’ll do it the next day,” she finally conceded, hoping he bought her story. She didn’t want him to know she was really just a coward.
Alex continued to look at her for a while before he nodded. She knew he didn’t buy her story but thankfully he was man enough to not call her on her lies.
“I’m going to head up to bed and read for a while,” Jessica finally said, having lost all of her appetite.
“I have some work to finish up. I’ll join you in a while,” Alex replied before getting up and heading out of the room.
Jessica wanted to talk to him about her feelings and try and make the marriage about more than just their son and sex but she didn’t know how to bridge the gap. She was afraid if she brought anything real up, he would run from her.
Chapter Six
“Surprised you could climb out of the newlywed bed long enough to join us,” Mark took a shot at his brother, while punching his arm. “Heck we didn’t see Lucas for at least six months,” he continued.
“You’re lucky you’re seeing me now. Amy’s about to have the baby,” Lucas said, while looking down at his phone for the hundredth time.
“Trust me; your ringer is working just fine. If anything happens you will be the first one who knows about it,” Mark laughed.
“I know. I know. I worry so much about her being so pregnant. I know she’s with mom and dad but man, it’s hard to be away from her right now,” he smiled sheepishly.
“Thank the lord I’m still single. You two are just a little too gushy for my tastes,” Mark sighed before jumping the fence.
Lucas and Alex were right behind him. “You’ll be next you know. We both thought we would hold out and look at us. Not only are we married but fathers as well. Your day is coming,” Alex grinned at his younger brother.