“My mother was a user – she took all she could from Ray. He was real nice to me. She stopped doing drugs long enough to get through the rest of her pregnancy, but she only did that because she liked living at Ray’s place. She didn’t have to worry about the bills, or food. She had my sister and wanted to give her away, but she knew the gravy train would end if she did, so she brought her home.” Chad paused and Bree was shocked to see moisture in the corner of his eye. He turned away and took a moment to compose himself before continuing.
“Mother had nothing to do with Jackie from the day they came home from the hospital. Ray and I named her. We were the ones who fed and changed her. She was amazing. I don’t know how something so perfect could come out of someone so horrible, but she was an angel. She hardly ever cried and she had this smile that would light up the room. The first time she laughed, I couldn’t help but join her. It seemed like only days, but all of a sudden three years had gone by. My mother was gone more and more and I could see how upset it made Ray. He offered to marry her but she always managed to delay it. We both knew she was out with other men – sometimes she’d be gone for a few days, then walk in as if nothing was wrong. Jackie didn’t even call her mom.”
Bree was horrified as she listened to Chad speak of his past. She certainly got upset with her family but she knew how much they loved her, and she loved them without question. They had grown distant after their mother passed, but she’d never doubted their love. They had all just needed time to heal from the tragic loss of losing their mom.
“I was watching Jackie – which was nothing new. I loved spending time with her. I know that sounds weird, because at that point I was thirteen, and most kids that age would feel put out by having to watch a baby sibling, but I loved her so it was never a burden. Besides, I knew she needed me.” His voice grew more hoarse the longer he spoke. Bree knew she couldn’t interrupt him, though she wanted to stop what was coming.
“We were at the park watching a few kids playing touch football. I took my eyes off her for just a moment, not even half a minute. She was playing on the large fort and laughing, having a great time. I looked at the game, for the first time feeling a little envious that I couldn’t play with them. I heard someone scream and jerked my head back to where I’d last spotted her. She was grasping the rail at the top. I jumped up, but before I even reached my feet, she slipped and fell to the ground. It was like the entire event happened in slow motion. One minute she was laughing, the next she was falling. It wasn’t even that far, but she was so tiny, and she landed wrong. Her neck broke – she died instantly.”
The pain in his voice ripped Bree apart. He was fighting to keep it inside, but even decades later, the wound was only a scratch away, just underneath his skin that she had thought was so thick. She couldn’t even comprehend going through what he had.
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she listened to him talk about his sister’s last moments. What an imaginable thing for him to witness. Why was he telling her about it? What could she do to make the pain end?
“Apparently there was a pole that came loose. She leaned on it, and fell through. She grabbed another bar, but before anyone could help, she slipped. If I’d been next to her, she’d still be alive today. My mom showed up at her funeral, even managed to force a few tears. She ate up the sympathy from strangers. There was a huge article in the paper and crowds of people flooded the service. I hated them, every single one of them. What right did they have to be there! I was supposed to watch her. The guilt tore me in two. My mom got a huge settlement from the city and took off in the middle of the night. She never looked back and I’ve never tried to seek her out. After she left, Ray couldn’t handle me. I was angry and holding onto so much guilt that I was striking out at him – on everyone.”
Bree scooted closer and wrapped her arm around Chad’s trembling form. He was in another place at that moment, but he seemed to draw comfort from what she was doing so she stayed pressed against him.
“Ray finally dropped me off at a human services office and I went into foster care. I was tossed from home to home. Nobody wanted to deal with a messed up kid like me. Finally, I ended up in the juvenile courts. That’s where I met Mark and Joseph. They saved my life. I was on a path to destroy myself, but they wouldn’t let me. They were doing volunteer work and took me under their wing. Mark and I became best friends, and Joseph helped me realize Jackie’s death wasn’t my fault. I still, to this day, feel responsible, but I know I didn’t cause her death. I just never ever want to lose someone again who I’m supposed to watch. Your family feels the same way, Bree. They love you, and if something were to happen to you, it would destroy them,” he finished.
His words made Bree feel about two inches tall. She was so blessed, with a family who loved her enough to go out of their way for her, and she was being stubborn. She still needed to prove her independence but she’d accept having her own personal bodyguard without complaining about it.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said, feeling the words were inadequate. She knew they couldn’t take away the pain, but she felt helpless to do anything more. What did you say to someone when they opened up to you the way he had?
“It was a long time ago. I just wanted you to understand how much your family loves you – and also understand why I can’t let anything happen to you. They’d never forgive themselves if those threats against you were real and they did nothing to stop the man. I can’t sit back and not give this my all – I’ve committed to guarding you, and isn’t it better to be over-protective than not protective enough. It’s all done for the right reasons.”
Both of them were silent for a few minutes and Chad finally realized that Bree was practically wrapped around him. The heat of her body was more effective in healing his wounded soul than any amount of therapy he’d gone to, insisted upon by Joseph.
As he closed his eyes and felt the tender touch of her hand caressing his arm, and the press of her rounded breast pushing against his chest, he felt the sorrow always present, ease and instead his body came to life.
He suddenly needed her with a vengeance. He knew she could take away the pain. The touch of her small hands, the feel of her silky skin, the sway of her body. Without thinking it through, he leaned down and his mouth connected with hers.