It would be a ticklish subject but Golden would broach the topic nonetheless. That was the only way things would ever be resolved. She cleared her throat. “Er, Claire, uhm...wouldn’t you like to meet your grandchild? If you have one, I mean?” She bit her lip then stole a glance at Claire, expecting the older woman’s face to be as dark as a thundercloud. What she saw surprised her.
Instead of a face cloudy with anger at her presumptuous question what she saw was a look so wistful and forlorn that her heart went out to the woman she’d grown to know and love. Immediately she got up and went to her.
Taking Claire’s hand she looked straight into the sharp gray eyes. It was time to put an end to this mystery. “What happened, Claire? Tell me.” She squeezed the woman’s hands. “Tell me so I can help make things right.”
Claire shook her head then she sighed. “It’s too late, child. There’s nothing you or anyone can do.”
“But it can’t be.” Golden leaned closer, her voice urgent. “It’s never too late, not where love is concerned. This is family. You have to try.”
Her earnest declaration was greeted with silence but Golden did not back off. This was too important. “Tell me what happened,” she pressed. “Make me understand.”
Claire’s face crinkled and she shook her head like she couldn’t bear to speak but then her voice came out, trembling and low. “She’s my only child, my one daughter, but she...betrayed me. She trampled all over my love for her.”
“But...how?”
Claire pulled her hand from Golden’s and reached up to pull the scarf tighter around her shoulders. “Her father and I, we’d gone through a bitter divorce. He was a wicked, wicked man. Abusive.” She shook her head again and this time when she spoke it was through gritted teeth. “She saw what he did to me. It wasn’t just emotional and verbal abuse. There were times when he got...physical.” Her body shuddered and she looked away. “I still have the scars to prove it.”
“Oh, no. I’m so sorry.” Golden whispered the words but she wanted to do more. She wanted to reach out and pull Claire to her but instinctively she knew that now was not the time. Right now what Claire needed was space, the freedom to speak out and tell her story. Golden dared not embrace her and stifle the cleansing flow of her words.
“And she knew this.” Claire pressed an embroidered handkerchief to her lips. “Marjorie knew this and still she sided with him. Can you imagine,” she fixed glistening eyes on Golden, “after seeing me go through so much suffering at that man’s hands she turned around and forgave him? Forgave him,” she spat, “and when he found himself a woman she went to the wedding.” She clenched her fists as she spoke. “Now that was the last straw.”
“But Claire-”
“But Claire nothing.” She glared at Golden. “I know what that meant. It meant that no matter that Edmund was a worthless husband and a terrible father she loved him more than she did me. Well, she can have him.”
“Now, Claire, I’m sure your daughter loves you. Just because she still loves her father it doesn’t mean she stopped loving you.”
“She can’t love both of us,” Claire said grumpily and folded her arms across her chest. “Not after what he did to me. I’ll never forgive him.” Then her mouth tightened. “Or her.”
For a long while there were no more words, just mutinous silence from Claire as Golden stared at her in disbelief. This was crazy. Because of her intense jealousy for the love her daughter still had for her father Claire had denied them both the affection they’d once shared – six years worth of it.
When Golden spoke again her voice was quiet but firm. “No-one’s asking you to forget,” she said softly, “but you have to forgive. That’s the only way you’ll be able to get your life back.”
“I don’t want-”
“Oh, stop being an ass, Claire.” Golden’s voice came out so sharp she shocked even herself. But she was not taking it back. If this was what it took to drive some sense into the stubborn mule staring back at her then so be it. “Do you want to go to your grave knowing you’ll never see your daughter again? And her children, if she has any?” When all she got from Claire was stunned silence Golden nodded. “I thought so. Life is too short to play these games. You have to get back to what’s most important. That’s love...and family.”
Claire remained silent but Golden could see that her words were sinking in. The defiance had left the woman’s eyes and in its place was the sadness that Golden had seen creep in before. Claire was obviously thinking about all she’d lost. And it was a good thing she was because, at her age, time was running out.
“Why don’t you give her a call?” she asked but Claire shook her head, a look of uncertainty creeping into her eyes. “What about writing her a letter?”
This time Claire didn’t shake her head but she lowered her eyes, making it clear to Golden that despite her tough exterior she, like any other person, feared rejection. She knew that if she approached her daughter now she’d be setting herself up for that possibility. The question was, could she handle it?
“Her name is Marjorie? Marjorie Bertlamb?”
When Claire nodded, almost in a daze, Golden decided to take advantage of her submissive state. An idea was beginning to form in her mind and she needed to gather as much information as she could while she had the upper hand. “From your home town? Cudham?” When Claire nodded again Golden almost smiled in relief. This was working out easier than she’d expected. “Do you think she’d still be living there?”
Again, Claire nodded. “She still teaches at the primary school on Otford Lane. Hazel, my friend, told me so.”
Now Golden did smile. This was good news. Claire had been keeping tabs on her daughter all these years. Her neighborhood friends probably fed her bits of news from time to time. There was no denying it. Deep down, she really cared.