She pulled herself out of bed and walked unsteadily to the shower. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on her, she thought as she turned on the shower. She’d told Jack that this was what she’d wanted. She’d wanted the brass ring, all the excitement and power of Wall Street. She wanted to make money so that she never had to worry about where her next meal was coming or what would happen if someone got sick. She remembered her parents’ fights about money and all the hardships her family had endured growing up.
She leaned her head against the cold, hard marble, letting the warm water flow over her back. She couldn’t do this, she thought silently. Well, that wasn’t really true, she told herself as she grabbed the shampoo. She could do it. She was doing it. She just didn’t want to do it. There was a significant difference in wanting to do this life and being intellectually able to handle this lifestyle. She could handle it intellectually. She’d proven that over the past month. She’d gone through all the motions, learned a great deal about investing and how to shift funds quickly to take advantage of changing political and economic environments. She couldn’t believe how much money one could make simply by a penny change in the Libor rates or if the currency rate changed.
But it was exhausting keeping up with all of that. She didn’t know how Emerson did it.
She stopped and laughed, her hair full of suds which were also running down her body. But the laughter took over her too-tired body and she stood in the shower laughing almost hysterically. She was honestly thinking of Emerson and Jack as two different people. They weren’t two people, they were two sides of the same man. She was possibly going a bit crazy, but she couldn’t help it. Jack and Emerson might be the same man, but the two personalities were completely different. She could see how Emerson might be in Jack. There had been flashes of his dominating, powerful persona behind the laughing, beguiling man she’d learned to love. But there wasn’t any of Jack in Emerson. It was almost as if the fun-loving, laid back “Jack” part of the man were completely suppressed. Oh, Emerson could be just as charming as the Jack part of him, but there was a ruthlessness in his smile, a glint in his eye that told her he was always working the angle, forming a plan. He wasn’t ever relaxed, he wasn’t ever just laughing because he was amused. He laughed for effect, to put someone at ease before he went in for the kill.
She missed Jack, she thought as she rinsed out her hair. She stepped out of the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around herself. She glanced out of bathroom window and noticed that the rest of the city was just starting to wake up even though the sun hadn’t yet started its rise over the horizon.
She’d always been an early riser, but she’d been out until past midnight the previous night and all she wanted to do was crawl back into that soft bed and sleep for the rest of the day. There had been yet another charity event last night where she’d met a few new people, discussed several new ideas and ignored several others. She wasn’t shocked by how much business was done during these social events anymore. She no longer considered that she was finished with work when she left the office. In her mind, she was merely done with her in-office business and the out-of-office hours began. Both served a purpose and she now understood that one side of the business couldn’t be successful without the other. Too many connections were made during both sides, deals negotiated, positions defined…every moment, both in the conference rooms as well as the ballrooms, were battles to be fought and won.
And she was disgusted with all of it.
Walking into her closet filled with fabulous clothes, she looked at each of the suits, trying to remember what was on her schedule for the day. Actually, she wasn’t completely sure what day it was. They were all blurring into a hazy, grey mess in her mind. There were no weekends anymore. She worked seven days a week, trying to get ahead of the others in the office.
Which only made the clothing decision that much more difficult, she thought as she continued to stare at her wardrobe. She could go get her cell phone and pull it up. Jennifer was probably already in the office or she’d done something at her home. The woman really was a dynamo.
“Don’t wear that,” a deep voice said from behind her.
Rachel spun around, catching her breath when she saw Emerson standing in her doorway. She was surprised that he wasn’t wearing a suit, or even a pair of slacks and a sports jacket. As her tired eyes drank him in, she didn’t even remember to tell him to get out of the room she’d moved into. She simply stared at him dumbly, taking in his appearance in a well-worn pair of jeans that made his legs look longer and sexier. She pulled the towel higher, making sure everything was covered, reminding herself that she didn’t like this man, but it was hard to think clearly when he was looking so sexy in jeans.
Jeans?
That completely threw her. “What’s going on?” she asked, not sure she could take any more surprises. At least not on three hours of sleep.
“Wear these,” he said and handed her a bag. She hadn’t noticed the bag a moment ago, her eyes too transfixed on how heavenly he looked in those jeans with his long, muscular legs not to mention those yummy shoulders in the thick, cable knit sweater. Goodness he looked hot!
But a sweater? It wasn’t that cold outside. The heat of the summer had dissipated and the fall crispness was moving into the city, but the temperatures definitely didn’t warrant a thick sweater.
“What’s this?” she asked, not wanting to accept any more clothes from him much less gifts. Gifts implied a relationship that they no longer had. They were employer and employee. Unfortunately.
“Jeans,” he told her. “And a sweater.”
She cringed inwardly. “I’m not a huge fan of jeans,” she told him.
He smiled slightly and it was the first sign of genuine amusement she’d seen on his handsome face in so long, it took her breath away. “Just humor me, okay?”
She bit her lip, wondering what he was up to. A part of her wanted to put on one of the business suits and ignore his request. She wasn’t into humoring this man anymore. A month ago, she would have done a lot to humor him but he wasn’t the same man anymore. Now, he was cold and heartless, unemotional and distant. She should have pushed Jennifer to find her a separate apartment as soon as she’d discovered what was going on, but there were always a thousand other details that had taken precedence.