An icy ball of lead dropped in his stomach and stayed. The familiar darkness loomed, the reminder nothing was permanent, not even love, and whatever you risked could come back like a frikkin boomerang and take you out. He’d been living in denial for a while now, so happy he figured he’d hit stride and the bad stuff was behind.
Stupid. Even in Disney movies the villain took one last stand. Sometimes they even won.
Slowly, the emotions shifted into neat compartments, and he drifted into a pleasant numbness.
Maybe this was better, after all.
He dragged in a breath, swung away from the window, and called Alexa to give her the news.
***
“Daddy, what’s wrong with Yeller?”
Nick turned to Lily, her open face and Caribbean blue eyes so like her mother’s his heart automatically shifted. He paused for a moment, then spoke. “He’s sick, baby. We’ll take him to the doctor in the morning and he’ll have an operation.”
Lily’s lower lip trembled. “Will he die?”
The words struck him like a hard punch and shattered through his body. “Maybe.”
“Nick.” His name ripped from Alexa’s lips with an icy warning. “Lily. Come here sweetheart, let’s talk.”
His daughter trotted over and slid onto his wife’s lap. “Sometimes, like people, dogs and cats get sick. Old Yeller is old, and the vet is going to try to make him better. But sometimes, things happen.”
“They die and leave forever?”
He winced at her tiny voice. God, he hated this. Hated to rip down her innocence. He couldn’t really protect anyone, could he? Alexa kept speaking in a calm, gentle tone. “They die, yes, but they never leave us forever. The people and animals we love here wait for us. For dogs, this is a beautiful place called Rainbow Bridge.”
“What’s that, mommy?”
“Rainbow Bridge is like a heaven for animals. Dogs and cats run, and play, there are endless toys, and treats, and they are always happy. They wait there for their owners to cross over the beautiful bridge and then they’re together forever.”
Lilly pondered for a few moments in silence. “People die, too. I don’t like that.”
“Yes, baby. We all die eventually. Hopefully when we’re old, but sometimes not. But when we go, we’re also in a beautiful place and happy, and we get to be with all the animals we loved, and all the people before us. Does that make sense?”
His daughter scrunched up her cute pug nose. “Yes. I don’t like people leaving, like Grandma or you or daddy or Maria or Yeller or Simba. But if they’re happy and get to play and we get to be together later, I guess that’s ok. But we’re gonna try and make Yeller better, right?”
“Yes. Dr. Jack is very smart. Now, run upstairs and I’ll be up to read you a story and tuck you in. If you want to talk more, we can.”
“K, mommy. Night, daddy.”
“Night, Lily. “ Emotion clogged his throat. He didn’t want his six year old to experience the loss of innocence. The realization it had all been a mirage, that he couldn’t protect anyone from heartbreak, broke something inside. Alexa moved closer to him and touched his arm. He barely managed not to jerk back.
“Nick. I know you’re sifting through stuff. But there’s a way to tell truth to the girls.”
He stared into the fire and refused to meet her gaze. “I know. But you lied to her. We know nothing about afterward, or what happens. We have no control over anything here. It’s all an illusion.”
Gentle but firm fingers grasped his chin and forced him to turn. He expected pissed off feminine anger. He got patience, and a deep understanding that always blew him away. “I don’t want to lose our dog either,” she said softly. “And you’re right—there are no guarantees. Why not have faith and believe in the best? You know, my mother told me something that always stuck with me. Whoever promised us fair? We have today, we do the best we can, and we take a chance. If I had to suffer for the next thirty years, I still wouldn’t have changed what we have, with the girls and our dogs, for anything.” She stroked his cheek. “Personally, there are no other options for me. So, I’ll believe. I’ll be in it, no matter how painful or messy. What about you?”
She didn’t give him the opportunity to answer. With a soft kiss on his lips, she rose and walked away. Nick sat on the couch for a long time, staring at his dog. Thinking about what she said.
And wondering if he’d ever have half the strength she did. Or if this was the beginning of a long string of disappointments for the woman he loved.
***
“I’m going to wait.”
Dr. Jack lifted a brow. “Listen, Nick, it’s a long procedure. Why don’t you go home and I’ll call you as soon as it’s done.”
“Thanks, but I’ll wait.”
Dr. Jack nodded and clapped him on the shoulder. “Got it. I’ll give you guys a few minutes.”
Nick walked over to the table. Old Yeller lay down with his usual quiet dignity, not really moving or flailing around like a normal dog would. Nope, this one already knew he was gonna have to dig deep and fight. For the first time in years, he was without his Mets bandanna and he looked naked.
He stroked the dog’s fur. “Listen buddy, I have a few things to say. I’m going to wait here the whole time, so you’re not alone. Alexa is home with the girls waiting for news. Simba needs you too. It may be rough, but it’s not time for rainbow bridge. And yes, there is one, because if your mom believes in it, you know it’s true.”
The dog blinked with his big brown eyes. Complete understanding gleamed within their depths, and Nick’s chest loosened a bit. He pressed a kiss to his head. “Now go kick a little ass and have a good sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
He knocked on the door and Dr. Jack came back and wheeled his dog away.
Nick sat down and waited. He thumbed through a magazine, checked his email messages, and surfed the web. He’d already researched heavily into cancer, the different types, and the stats. Animal Planet chirped behind him on the television, and people came and went through the hours. When he checked in with Alexa, he made sure he sounded positive, and kept the conversation short.
Finally, Dr. Jack came out. His gut lurched and a cold sweat broke out on his brow from the look on his face. Oh, God, it was over. He was dead. Old Yeller was dead.