Somehow, from somewhere deep inside her, she found the strength to enter the room. “I’m not staying,” she told him in a firm voice.
His shoulders tensed. A mask came down over his face. “Why not?”
“I’m only here for one thing.” She saw his eyes flicker over her, and her lips tightened. “No, it’s not what you’re thinking.”
A muscle began to throb in his cheek. “And what would I be thinking?”
“Sex. That’s all it ever was with you, Brant.”
Those blue eyes bored into hers as he stood up and walked around the desk. “No. That’s all you ever let yourself believe it was.”
She stiffened. “So it’s my fault, is it?”
He stopped right in front of her. “Who said anyone was at fault?” he asked quietly.
She gaped at him in disbelief. “Surely you don’t think this is how a relationship should be?”
He reached out and cupped her chin, looking deep into her eyes. “Just because two people fall in love doesn’t mean everything runs smoothly, sweetheart. But that doesn’t mean they should end what they have.”
She sucked in a sharp, painful breath and jerked her chin away. Dear God, was he enjoying the wounds he caused by his affair with Julia? “In other words, I should just let things slide along as they are? Boy, you really take the cake.”
He seemed to freeze for a long pause. Then he said, “Kia, did you hear what I said?”
“No! I don’t want to hear any more. I’ve come to give you this.” She thrust the envelope at him.
Moments crept by as he stared hard at her, and she shifted uneasily. Then his gaze dropped to her hand.
“What is it?”
“My resignation.”
“You’re not resigning,” he said softly, taking the envelope and tearing it in half, just as he’d done with the check she’d written out for him over the security alarm.
She pulled out another envelope from her pocket. “I thought you might do that. You can tear this one up, too, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve already sent one to Phillip in this morning’s mail.”
“You are not resigning,” he repeated.
She gave a short laugh. “Unless you chain me to my desk, I won’t be coming back.”
“Chaining you to your desk sounds a bloody good idea right now,” he muttered, grabbing her shoulders and lightly shaking her. “Kia, you say you listen, but you don’t actually hear what I’m saying. I love you, Kia Benton. I’m not going to let you walk out of my life. I can’t.”
Her heart lurched in her chest. “Please don’t do this to me, Brant,” she whispered. “I can’t be your mistress.”
His hands tightened on her shoulders. “I don’t want you for my mistress. I want you to be my wife.”
Her mind spun in shock. His wife? For just a moment hope blossomed. Oh, yes, she wanted to be married to him so badly she ached with it. But did he love her, truly love her?
Then she remembered Julia, and that hope shriveled. There was only one woman he loved. A woman who belonged to another man at the moment. Kia’s heart plummeted even further. Is that why he was asking her to marry him now? Had something gone wrong between him and Julia?
Regret and pain at what could have been flowed through her, cutting deep. “I’m sorry, Brant. I can’t.”
His head reeled back. “Why?” he rasped in a voice low and raw with something that sounded like need.
She blinked back tears. “You want me, but that’s not enough. It’ll never be enough for me.”
“It’s more than enough. For both of us.”
“You’re wrong. I won’t be a substitute for Julia. I can’t,” she cried, spinning away. She had to get out of there before she fell apart. Before she let herself be taken on any terms.
“Stay.”
His plea stilled her. Slowly she turned. Their gazes met for a long moment that seemed to last for eternity.
She searched to the depth of his soul in those dark eyes, wanting to believe he loved her yet afraid to accept that the pain, the longing in his eyes, was real and not her imagination. She shook her head. No, she was too emotional to trust her judgment right now.
She was about to turn away again, to really go this time, but all at once she saw the anguish in his eyes and her legs refused to move. Brant wasn’t a man to show his emotions and certainly not his vulnerability.
Yet here he was showing that very thing. Hope and wonder bubbled inside her. Dare she believe? Could she believe in him? In herself? Her judgment?
She needed to stay rational. She needed to find out more about his relationship with the other woman before deciding. “What about Julia?”
The intensity of his gaze remained strong on her face. “She’s already a wife. To Royce.”
“But…you love her. You said things don’t always run smoothly for people in love.”
He took a step toward her and slipped his arms around her waist. “I meant us. I love you.”
Yet something held her back, kept her from trusting him. An inner fear that she would still be second best, runner-up to Julia. He may think he loved her in a moment of madness, but for how long? Today?
Tomorrow? For how many tomorrows would he love her? Would he secretly long for Julia, long to have her in his arms, even as he held her?
She just didn’t know. She drew in a ragged breath, trying to think rationally, to get some clear focus. The only way she would get any kind of perspective was to have space to think about what had happened.
She had to think about Brant’s words of love. So much depended on her making the right decision.
“I need to think, Brant.” She started to turn away, pain choking her words at the shock on that handsome face she so loved.
He stopped her, his gaze intense on her face. “You’ve got to believe, Kia. Trust in my love for you.”
Something in his words got through to her this time. She didn’t move, but suddenly she listened. Really listened.
A smile turned lovingly at the corners of his mouth. “Hear my heart, darling. Hear and learn.” He put her hand against his chest. She could feel his heart thudding hard beneath it. And she could actually hear it as she looked deep into his eyes.
“You really love me, Brant?” she murmured, one inch from believing.