She jerked her head around, her eyes red-rimmed, exhaustion and self-recrimination stark in her features.
“What was I supposed to say? That I’m the world’s biggest screwup? That I’m trying my best to mess up my life as soon as I get it back? Do you have any idea how much I hate myself?”
Sean pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair. “Give yourself a break. You didn’t do it. Do you hear me? You didn’t do it. You may have wanted to but nothing you could ever say will convince me that you would have gone through with it. And I sure as hell can’t arrest someone for wanting to commit a crime for God’s sake. If that was the case, the whole damn world would be in jail, including yours truly.”
Her muffled laughter sounded pitiful, but at least she’d stopped crying.
“I’m about to go out of my mind,” she said against his shirt.
He could feel the light shudders of her body and knew she was suffering. How she’d endured this far was a mystery to him.
“I’m not sure I have a mind left,” she added.
He held her for a minute and absently ran his hand through her hair.
“You’re doing fine. You probably insisted on going alone this morning when you should have been willing to ask for help. You’re surrounded by people who’d drop things at a moment’s notice if you needed them. You need to be willing to use that. We’re your family. That’s what families do. It’s what you used to do for everyone else. Now it’s our turn to repay that. Do you understand that? You don’t have to make it on your own. It doesn’t make you weak to need help. You don’t remember, but when I first came on the job, I was shot because I did a really stupid thing. I was a rookie. Second week on the job and I thought I knew it all. Went into a situation without backup because I was confident I didn’t need anyone’s help. I’m lucky I didn’t get killed.
“During my recovery you and Marlene took turns cooking for me. You cleaned my house. Did my grocery shopping. Made sure all my bills were paid. And you lectured me endlessly about making damn sure I never did something so stupid again.
“Now, you tell me how that’s any different than what’s going on with you. You need help. You’ve got a family who’s all dying to pamper you and spoil you endlessly. Not everyone is as lucky to have a family like yours.”
She pulled away and stared up at him, a mystified look on her face.
“I guess I am being pretty stupid. I just feel so ashamed. It kills me that I can’t just turn off the need. Most days I’m okay, but then days like today I need it so much I feel like I’m going to die without it.”
“Those are the days you need your family the most,” he said gently.
She blew out a long breath and sagged against the seat.
“I’ll drive you home. Ethan can have one of his brothers come back to get the truck. You shouldn’t be driving right now. You’re damn lucky you didn’t wrap yourself around a telephone pole.”
She reached over and hugged him so tight he couldn’t catch his breath.
“Thank you,” she breathed. “Just thank you.”
He pulled her away long enough to level a hard stare at her. “Promise me something, Rachel. Promise me if you ever find yourself in that situation again, you’ll call me immediately. Don’t make me respond to a call because you’ve gotten involved with the wrong person and I have to be the one to tell Ethan you’re dead.”
She shivered and her eyes went wide, but he didn’t regret for a minute scaring her this time.
“I promise,” she said in a low voice.
“Okay then, let’s get you home.”
CHAPTER 29
“LEAVE it to Dad to make us all feel like shit,” Ethan grumbled.
Sam chuckled and Garrett just scowled.
The brothers stood outside with Nathan and Joe, while inside their mom was busy mopping up Rusty’s tears and laying down the law. Again.
“It was a stupid stunt. She should have known better,” Garrett growled.
“She’s a kid,” Nathan said in her defense. “A scared, strung-out kid who’s never had anyone give a damn about her. Cut her some slack. We all did some pretty stupid shit when we were her age.”
“Speak for yourself,” Joe said mockingly. “I was an angel.”
Snorts abounded.
“Where’s Van today anyway?” Nathan asked. “I wanted to see him before Joe and I head back to Fort Campbell.”
Sam and Garrett exchanged glances, and Ethan leaned forward in interest. So did Nathan and Joe.
“Researching a mission he’s taken on,” Sam said.
Joe’s brow went up. “He’s taken on? I take it you don’t approve?”
Garrett made a rude noise. “He’s heading the job with part of Steele’s team. Sam and I just don’t happen to be going along.”
Nathan made an exaggerated expression of shock. “You? Mr. Have to Be Involved in Everything? Not going?”
Garrett held up his middle finger. “Fuck you.”
Ethan’s cell phone rang, and he quickly dug into his pocket. Everyone who’d have any business calling him was with him. Except for Rachel.
He glanced at the LCD and frowned. Sean? He flipped the phone open and stuck it to his ear.
“Hey, man.”
“Ethan, hey. Look, I’m driving Rachel home, but I need one of your brothers to go pick up your truck. It’s on the shoulder of 79 just outside of town.”