She rubbed wide circles over his back. “You’re not to blame for what happened with the baby, Aidan, any more than Amy is just because she was driving too fast and ran the stop sign. Accidents happen.”
Raising his head, he swiped the tears from his cheeks. “Accidents may happen, but people never forget them…or forgive them.”
Emma ignored the double meaning of his statement in regards to her. “I’m sure time has helped to heal any bad feelings Amy had for you. I’m sure she’s struggled with her own guilt over what she did to you by trying to trap you.”
He shrugged. “I hope so. She certainly helped to screw me up for every other woman.” His blue eyes honed in on hers. “Maybe it’s me who can’t forgive. If it hadn’t been for her, maybe I wouldn’t have f**ked things up so epically with you.”
“Maybe,” she murmured.
His fingers came to grip her chin. Tilting her gaze up to meet his, he shook his head. “For the most part, our proposition was about me getting the chance to have sex with you, and I did promise my late mother I would one day have children. But it was also about being able to find redemption with myself…and with God. I thought if I could help you bring a baby into the world, it might take away the hurt of the past.”
Emma’s mouth dropped open in surprise. For a few moments, she could only stare at him in utter and complete shock. All this time he really had possessed a deeper, more admirable desire for wanting to be her sperm donor.
“Do you hate me now because of that?”
She shook her head wildly back and forth. “No, how could you even think that?”
“It’s just you were staring at me and not saying anything. I thought you might feel used or deceived.”
“That’s not it at all. In fact, I was thinking much more highly of you because of what you told me.”
“Really?”
“I’m glad having Noah is a way you feel you can repent for what you did. It’s never too late for redemption, Aidan.”
A hopeful look entered his tortured eyes. “I’d give anything and everything in this world to redeem myself with you. Just please, please give me the chance.”
Emma couldn’t hold the intensity of his desperate gaze any longer. Staring down at her lap, she fought to breathe. Her mind whirled with trying to process her out of control thoughts while her chest heaved with emotion. Did she really want to give him the chance to redeem himself? Could she actually do that to herself and her heart? And if she denied him, how was she even to have him a part of Noah’s life without letting her feelings get in the way?
“Please, Em,” he begged.
“I guess I can try,” she finally replied. When she glanced back up at him, his blue eyes shone with determination. “I’m not making any promises.”
He smiled. “I can take that—I can take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
Jenny interrupted them by bringing over their check. “Would you like some dessert?”
Emma laughed when she appeared to be asking her more than Aidan. She patted her very full belly. “No, I think I’m good.”
Aidan swept his hand inside his jacket pocket for his wallet. Without even glancing at the bill, he stuffed a wad of cash in the envelope. When Jenny started to protest at his generosity, he shook his head. “I owe a lot more than that to you and your dad for taking care of me in the last few weeks.”
“We were happy to do it.” Jenny leaned over and gave Aidan a quick hug. “Just promise to take care of yourself, and we’ll call it even, okay?”
He nodded as his eyes burned into Emma’s. “I’m already feeling like my old self again.”
She cocked her eyebrows at him. “Let’s hope that’s not every aspect of your old self,” she said, rising out of the booth.
“Damn, Em, do you always have to shred me with those freakin’ claws of yours?” he grumbled as he stood up.
Jenny threw a worried glance between the two of them before forcing a smile to her face. “Well, I hope to see you guys again soon.”
Emma gave Jenny a reassuring smile. “Thanks you.” After giving her a quick hug, she started out of the bar. Aidan hurried to catch up with her. He stepped in front of her just before she could open the door.
“Thank you,” she mumbled, trying to ignore the little zap of electricity she felt when his body touched hers. She edged away from him as they started back to his car. The drive over to the VFW was silent except for the muted sound of the radio playing love songs that were like spikes to her broken heart.
When they pulled up to her abandoned car, she didn’t want to leave him. Her brain screamed for her to pick up her hands and feet and get going. Finally, as her hand reached for the door handle, Aidan grabbed her shoulder. “Wait!” he cried.
CHAPTER FIVE
Aidan’s chest tightened at the prospect of letting Emma out of his sight for even a second. They had come so far in the last few hours he was afraid it might all fade like a dream if they didn’t remain together. He was desperate for anything to keep her with him. A thought flashed in his mind, and he blurted, “Can I see Beau?”
Emma stared down at her lap. He could tell she was raging a battle within herself about whether to let him come over. “Please?” he pressed.
Her shoulders sagged, but she raised her head and smiled. “Of course. I mean, he does miss you.”