To be so utterly alone in the world.
Of course, he was having a hard time thinking about being alone while she played with his navel, her fragrant hair brushing against his cheek.
“Won’t you touch me?” she whispered back to him. “You seem so stiff and angry.”
He ached with his need to touch her. Ached. But something held him back. Fear of . . . what? Rejection? Seeing that look of loathing on her face that he’d seen so many times?
“I don’t know how to do this, Gretchen.”
“Hmm?” The teasing lilt was back in her voice. “Don’t know how to touch me?”
“No,” he said harshly, hating the word even as he spit it out. “I’ve never . . . I don’t . . .”
“That’s all right, Hunter.”
“It’s not,” he said roughly, reaching out and daring to touch a lock of her hair that was tickling his chest. It was soft and silky, and his mind immediately filled with images of her hair sliding all over him, her naked body following. His c**k reared, and he bit his lip to keep from spilling with need. “It’s . . . not . . . okay.”
“I know you’re a virgin, Hunter. I guessed as much. You were so young when you were hurt, I just assumed . . .”
An ironic twist flexed his mouth. Of course she knew. He was f**king obvious as hell. “I just wanted you to know that it’s not you. It’s me. It’s all me, and if I push you away it’s because I don’t know how to pull you close. I’m not . . . I’m not good with people.”
“I’m not, either,” she said in an easy voice. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I tend to blurt out the first thing I’m thinking.”
“I like that about you,” he told her honestly. “I like everything about you.”
“Mmm.” She sounded pleased.
Encouraged, he closed his eyes and rubbed that strand of hair, imagining the deep red spilling across his palm. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Gretchen. I want to touch you all over. Explore you. Give you pleasure like I’m supposed to, but every time you touch me, I just . . . lose it.”
“Hair trigger?” she said with a chuckle.
A knot of humiliation burned in his throat. He remained silent.
“Hunter. It’s okay. I don’t mind,” she said softly. “Is it me? Am I too forward for you?”
“No. I like you forward. It’s just . . .” He struggled to find the right words to say. For the first time, he wished the room weren’t so dark so he could see her face, see the expression in her beautiful eyes.
“Do you want to explore me? I don’t mind.”
He went silent. What exactly was she offering?
“Here,” she said in a low voice, moving his hand to her wrist. She then reached behind her and placed her hand on the headboard. “I’ll put my hands here and I won’t move them. You can touch me how you like, and I promise not to touch you back. We’ll go as slow as you need to. I promise.”
His breathing grew rapid. Hunter remained still, and when she didn’t move a muscle, he sat up, wishing he could see her in the darkness. But he didn’t want to turn the light on, not yet. He didn’t want to see her flinch. “What should I— what do you want?”
“Whatever you like. I’m here for the taking.” Her voice was sultry and still contained that delicious hint of fun that made Gretchen so very intoxicating to his senses. “This is your game. You’re in charge.”
It took him a long moment before he reached out on the bed . . . and discovered a smooth knee. He caressed it, marveling at the feel of her skin.
“You can go higher, you know. Nothing bites.”
“I know. I’m just . . . enjoying.” This was his first time to ever touch a woman and truly explore her. He wanted to savor the moment.
He’d never thought he’d have this. Even in his younger years, when he’d ached with need for a simple touch, he’d never considered hiring an escort for sex. To pay a woman to suck his c**k and then watch her flinch when she saw him? No, paying for sex seemed like the worst of both worlds.
And yet Gretchen had offered herself to him. His hand trailed higher, caressing her thigh.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” she said, her voice light but with a hint of a tremble in it.
“Are you . . . nervous?”
“I’m mostly excited,” she said, and he could hear the breathless quality of her voice. “Full of anticipation. My belly—and other parts of me—are tingling with it. I’ve been trying to get you to touch me for a week now.”
He knew. He just hadn’t had the courage until she’d more or less seduced him in the library. His exploring hand shifted upward and hit the edge of her shirt. He fisted it, drawing the material away from her body, imagining the material pulled taut against her br**sts, outlining her ni**les.
Nipples that he had carte blanche to touch. Another surge of need rose through him, and he felt pr**cum sliding down the head of his cock, soaking the front of his boxers. Any minute now, he’d lose control. He had to pace himself.
Breathing deeply to calm his body, Hunter forced himself to relax.
“If you want to take that shirt off me, you’re going to have to do it on your own. I can’t help you, remember?” He heard the sound of her fingers drumming on the wood of the headboard as a reminder.
“I thought I was in charge here?” he bit back.
“You are. I’m just bossy even if I’m supposed to be all submissive,” she said, her voice saucy. “You can always spank me for being bad, if you want.”
He groaned at the visual. “Gretchen, please. I need to keep control.”
“Oh, of course. I’m sorry.” She didn’t sound sorry in the slightest. “I’ll just lay here and be quiet. All silent and needy and half-naked, but very willing to be fully naked if given the opportunity.”
His hand clenched tighter on the shirt, feeling the old fabric give a little. “What if I ripped this off you?”
Her breath caught in her throat. “That would be extremely naughty of you. I’m game.”
Hunter tugged harder at the fabric and heard a satisfying rip, as well as Gretchen’s intake of breath, followed by a mischievous giggle. Then he was holding the loose fabric in his hand and he tossed it aside.