But tonight? Tonight I have promised myself that if he's at the party, I am going to introduce myself.
I shoot off a quick text to Cara, my new friend from class, to confirm that I'll join her tonight, and then turn to my closet. I really only have one option to wear tonight: a simple, slinky black camisole with a lace inlay that I bought at the mall in spite of Miriam and Allison's naysaying. I didn't know what I was buying it for then, but it's the kind of shirt I've seen other girls wearing to parties. I slip on jeans and a pair of heels that are probably a little low to be cool, but they'll have to do. It's not like I have extra money to be adding to my wardrobe.
I take out the drug store makeup that I bought and sit at my desk. I never usually wear anything but Chapstick, but I watched some YouTube tutorials and feel confident I can mimic some of the techniques. With a compact mirror, I carefully put on a little concealer, blush, brown eye shadow, and black mascara. I bought an eyeliner, but I don't use it. I think it's a little beyond my skills. With a swipe of some sparkly lip gloss, I'm done.
I close the closet door and study myself in the full-length mirror. With a start, I recognize myself in the reflection. I turn my face side to side, searching for all its imperfections. With a little makeup on, my resemblance to my mom is more pronounced. Everyone always says she is beautiful, so maybe it’s possible that I might be pretty, too. The shirt is more low-cut than I remembered, and I touch my breasts self-consciously. I get my large C-cups from my mom also, but I've always kept them covered up. I see how men get distracted by them, like they're some tractor beam pulling them in.
One more quick glance to check my mascara application, and I nod at myself, satisfied. It's been a long time coming, but I think I'm finally ready to party.
CHAPTER TWO
The spring night air is warm on my face as I walk across campus to meet Cara and her friends. I pass other students heading out for the night and feel happy to count myself among them. I go over my rules for myself as I near the crew house, which is just across the street from campus. No more than three drinks. No talking about classes. No weirdness around Nate Thornhill.
“Brynn!” Cara yells from the opposite sidewalk. I wave as I head over. “I can't believe you got a Lawn Room! That's amazing!” I lean over to give her a hug. She's an effortlessly cool, petite brunette—the kind of girl that everyone considers to be their friend.
“Thanks!”
“Holy shit! You got a Lawn Room? Are you, like, a genius or something?” her friend Rachel asks, her jaw dropping.
“I wish! Then all those papers would have taken me way less time to write,” I reply with a laugh.
“Cara says you've never been to a crew party?” Marie, the knockout of the group, asks.
“Nope…just never made my way over here I guess,” I reply, downplaying the situation.
“Well, they have the best parties,” she assures me. “And the hottest guys.”
“Lacrosse guys are hotter,” Rachel argues.
“Of course, if you can always do both…” Marie murmurs, and they burst into laughter.
“Hey, you look great, by the way,” Cara says to me as we walk up the front steps of the house. “Love that top.”
“Thanks,” I say, trying not to glow. A couple guys chilling on the front porch greet the other girls by name, and I blush as I feel their eyes glance over me. I tug my hair self-consciously as one of them grins at me. Two girls hurry past us in the opposite direction. One leans over the railing as her friend barely manages to pull her hair back before she retches into the bushes.
Lovely.
Sweat and the scent of beer greets us as we walk inside. The lights are dim, barely illuminating the mass of people crowded into the main room, and I feel my heels sticking to the sticky floor.
“Cara, the love of my life!” a tall, brawny guy says, sweeping her up into a hug. I recognize him from the crew team. Not that I've studied their roster photos or anything…
“Oh, ha, ha,” Cara says, rolling her eyes, though something about the gleam in her eyes tells me she likes the guy.
“Can I get you ladies a beer?” he asks, nodding to the keg behind him.
“Yes, please,” Cara says. “Hey, Foster, this is my good friend Brynn. This is her first Crew party so treat her nice.”
“I'm always nice!” Foster says indignantly, then bows in front of me and offers his hand. “M'lady,” he says, as I place my hand in his and raises it to his lips. Marie and Rachel giggle and then head over to another group as Foster hands them their beers. Cara and I follow Foster over to an old, mysteriously stained, couch in the corner. We weave around other scantily clad co-eds, and for the first time in my life, I feel like one of the cool kids.
I perch nervously on the far left cushion as Cara sits next to me, with Foster on her other side. I slowly sip my beer as he whispers in her ear. I've had beer before, even gotten tipsy a few times with Allison and Miriam when we first turned twenty-one and tried out some wine bars. I just want to make sure I don't overdo it tonight and end up like that girl we passed on the way inside.
“Where's Nate tonight?” My head whips around as I hear Cara ask Foster the question. My heart stops for a second. I have to admit I'll feel crushed if he's not even here.
“He's somewhere around, probably getting crushed under a pile of chicks,” Foster rolls his eyes, and Cara laughs. I down half my beer. I can't believe how jealous it makes me feel, I've never even met the guy.
Cara and Foster keep chatting, and though Cara makes an effort to include me, I'm feeling too nervous to contribute much to the conversation. By the time I finish my beer, I really have to pee.
“Be right back,” I murmur to Cara, and go looking for the bathroom. I weave through the sweaty throng to a hallway along the stairs. I see a line of five girls outside of what I assume is the bathroom, and with a sigh, I step behind the last one. The door opens and a guy darts in front of the front girl.
“Hey!” she protests.
“Sorry! Emergency!” he cries, and shuts the door behind him. I lean back a little and glance up the stairs. There are several people hanging out on the landing, but it's definitely quieter up there, and I'm sure there's more than one bathroom in this place. Holding my legs close together, I turn around and hurry up the stairs.