“Let’s move your things in,” he said, not looking up from his newspaper.
Haley’s eyes bolted up, her bite turning to sawdust in her mouth. Was he speaking to her?
“Excuse me?” she managed to mumble after a strained pause.
“I want you to move out of your room and come stay with me,” he replied as he put the paper down, his eyes gazing steadily back at her.
How did she reply to this? She hadn’t known him long enough to stay in his suite. That was insane, wasn’t it?
“I, ah, don’t think that would be wise,” she replied, automatically lifting her cup and taking a fortifying sip of her coffee, hoping the caffeine would clear the cobwebs from her brain.
“I plan on spending every night with you anyway, so wouldn’t it be much easier to just have your items here? This is a resort, Haley. It’s not like I’m asking you to give up your house,” he said as if he were making the most logical statement ever.
“Well, I just like to have my space,” she murmured.
He paused for a moment, looking at her quizzically. “Where do you live, anyway?”
It was a perfectly rational question, but she’d seem pathetic if she told him the truth. Dread filled her that he might realize she was indeed pitiful, and then end what they had barely even started.
“It doesn’t matter. I think we’re fine the way we are. So, any good articles in your paper?” Maybe she could sidetrack him with a change of subject.
Her ploy didn’t work.
“Come on, Haley. Give me something,” he said, then leaned across the table and grasped her free hand. She took another sip of coffee, scalding her tongue slightly.
“I live in Seattle in an apartment,” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.
“That’s not so bad. Why are you hesitant to tell me?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t like to give out too much information about myself. I guess it’s from the years of having to be self-reliant. It’s difficult for me to share…” she trailed off.
Crew looked at her strangely, just as she’d expected him to. She was hard to understand. Heck, she couldn’t really understand herself. How was she supposed to explain it to him?
“Did you have any other family you could turn to? I know your grandparents should have been drawn and quartered for the way they treated you, but was there anyone else in your life at all?”
This was a subject that Haley absolutely hated speaking about. No. She hadn’t had anyone in her life but the servants at her grandparents’ place, and even those relationships had faltered over the years. She hated dwelling on how alone she truly was. She’d fantasized about being part of a large, loving family, but had given up on that dream years before. She didn’t want him to fully comprehend how messed up her life was. This sharing of her past and present wasn’t what she’d signed on for.
“I had some rough years with my grandparents, as you know. I have fought against all the doubts they instilled in me since I got away from that ‘home,’ but I tend to psych myself out about it all too often. Going to school has really helped, but at the end of the day when I look in the mirror, I still see this person whom nobody wanted. I promise it’s getting better, but I’ve just had to do whatever it takes to make it day by day. If I think too far ahead, I get overwhelmed, and that’s when I find myself start sinking within myself.” She held her breath, waiting for him to roll his eyes and give up on her. She was too crazy for a man like Crew, who had it all together.
Now he was going to know she was too much effort, and she’d never get the privilege of sleeping in his arms again. The thought was horribly depressing.
Crew’s gaze didn’t shift as he brought his cup up and took a sip.
“All the more reason for you to move in with me. You need to have someone take care of you. We’ll go pack your things after breakfast.” Treating the matter as closed, he set down the mug, picked his paper back up and started reading again.
Haley ran her hands through her hair and stared at the back of his newspaper. Was he the one who was insane? Why wasn’t he trying to delve deeper, get into her head, or just send her packing? If she knew she wasn’t completely together, why couldn’t he see it?
Yet wasn’t she overanalyzing this, and trying to seek out serpents in her temporary paradise? It wasn’t as if she couldn’t just move back out again when their relationship, or whatever this was called, ran its course. He hadn’t mentioned anything about her two-week vacation. Did he want her to stay longer? Doubtful.
It might be best to avoid reminding him that she was only here because she’d won a raffle. If she brought that up right now, he might snap out of this spell he seemed to be under and tell her that he’d personally pack her bags and get her to the airport to send her off. The thought of leaving him in a couple of days turned her stomach inside out.
With a sigh, she looked at her breakfast, the once delicious cinnamon roll now turning her stomach. There seemed no need to respond to Crew anymore, since he’d already made up his mind, and to tell the truth, she wanted to sleep by his side each night. At least for a while, she could pretend this was a normal relationship, and that this incredible man cherished her. A little fantasy would help her sleep on those nights when loneliness was eating her alive.
Making up her mind, she pushed away her plate and took small sips from her cup while she tried to convince herself that it was OK to seek enjoyment from life. It was OK to not worry about what tomorrow would bring. She’d see this through to the natural end, and she’d grow as a person. That was all she could ask of herself and Crew.
Chapter Twenty-One
A few days later, Haley felt obliged to tell Crew that her time was up. Her train ticket was for the next day, and though she didn’t want to leave, she needed to get back to the real world. She’d always believed that the word heartache was a metaphor, but there was no denying the physical pain in her chest as she stood in the bathroom and practiced her goodbye speech.
Would he ever think of her again? In time, would she get over him? She and Crew had been together only two weeks, but they were two glorious weeks, and she knew she’d never be the same.
That was all thanks to him, and to his wonderful lessons. Her gloom didn’t prevent a contented grin from spreading across her features when she thought of the magic he’d created within her. She now knew it wasn’t a sin to enjoy sex; it wasn’t a crime to feel like a woman.