He was quiet again as he gathered his thoughts and Brielle began tracing circles on his chest, offering him the only comfort she knew how to provide.
“My brother came ten years after I was born, and the doctors told my mother she couldn’t carry him full term, told her that it could cost her life if she went through with the pregnancy. She told the doctors she would never sacrifice her child for her own life. So my father babied her, and both of us did all we could to make sure she was healthy and that she’d deliver another healthy child.”
“She made it to seven months, and then her body just couldn’t take the pregnancy anymore. She went into labor and there was nothing the doctors could do to stop it. My brother was born weighing only three pounds, but technology had already come so far by then that he had a fighting chance. His name was Blake. We practically lived at the hospital over the next two months, and I was so proud when I would get to hold him, sitting in the NICU. He was a fighter, right from the start. And it was difficult on Mom, but she was a fighter too, and it looked as if everything was going to work out with a happy ending despite everything the doctors had said.”
He paused again, and Brielle’s heart tightened, anticipating what was coming next. He’d said he had a brother, not that he still did.
“Finally, Blake got to come home. He weighed five and a half pounds and had little wisps of dark hair on his head. His eyes were blue, but mom said that could change. I didn’t care. He was perfect. The first month was amazing. I had a little brother, and I adored him.”
Colt collected himself to finish the story. Brielle desperately wanted to stop him, wanted this to be over with a happy ending, but hadn’t she learned long ago that happy endings were made only for fairy tales?
“He was six months old, nothing wrong with him medically. His medical check-ups were great, he was healthy, and he should have had a long life ahead of him. But then one night my mother woke us up screaming. Dad made it to the room first, and I wasn’t far behind. Mom held Blake in her arms while she was sobbing into the phone for an ambulance, but it was already too late…”
His scratchy voice was her undoing, and more tears fell from Brielle’s eyes. She didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t stop herself. “What happened?”
“Blake was already dead. He was taken in to the hospital, and tests were ran, but there never was an answer. He died in his sleep. They called it SIDS — sudden infant death syndrome. I searched and searched and searched for answers for years. Our home was safe; it was healthy. I needed an answer and I never got one. He just came and went too fast…”
“Oh, Colt. I’m…I’m so sorry.” What else could she say? Nothing. There was nothing a person could say to make this better. It was never okay to lose a baby — never.
“My mom, after months of devastation, came to me one day and the two of us walked to my brother’s grave — such a small grave, such a small casket they’d buried him in. But we walked there and she had a watery smile as she looked up to the heavens. I’ll never forget that moment,” he said, and she felt a warm teardrop fall on her forehead.
“She said, “Thank you for giving me such a gift. I know it must have been hard for you to let him leave your side, even for the six months I was blessed to have him, but thank you for those six months.”
“Oh my gosh, Colt.” Brielle could say nothing more than that.
“Though my brother was never forgotten, we all finally found a measure of peace.”
She cried for what he had gone through. This was too much — it was all too much. Colt had found a way into her heart, and she was afraid she wouldn’t be able to repair the damage to the wall she’d spent so many years building.
That was her last thought before sleep gave her some respite from the pain she knew would come her way.
Chapter Fourteen
Colt held Brielle close for much longer than he normally held a woman after sex. For some reason he couldn’t seem to talk himself into letting her go. After he’d shared something with her he hadn’t been planning on sharing, she had drifted off. He’d felt her body tremble with the sorrow she’d felt as he spoke of Blake, and that had torn him in half.
It was a long time ago, but not something he would ever forget, and not something he normally told anyone. It seemed he wanted to open up with Brielle, a woman he hadn’t thought would ever be able to get beneath his thick skin. He knew they were all wrong for each other.
Then why did it feel so right holding her in his arms. He normally never slept with a woman after sex, but this time he’d decided to close his eyes for only a brief moment. An hour later, he woke up and she was still lying half on top of him. He felt his body stirring again just from the feel of her perfect br**sts pressing against his flesh.
For a second, or maybe five, he thought about flipping her onto her back and sinking back inside her heat, finding solace in her arms. Before he could act on that, he reined himself in. This had gotten far heavier than he’d wanted it to already.
Making love to her had seemed like a foregone conclusion, nothing important, just a way to relieve one ache. But the reality was much different from the fantasy he’d created in his head. The reality was much, much better. And she’d made him want to share some of his past with her. Now he was panicking.
He couldn’t want this woman for more than a single romp in the sheets. She was the enemy. She was standing between him and something he really wanted — something he deserved.
There was nowhere for their relationship to go. Nowhere good, anyway. This would only end in disaster for both of them. He knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt, so the smartest and best thing he could do for both of them was to climb out of the bed and disappear.
Wait her out.
Okay, that thought didn’t particularly appeal to him. But wasn’t that more than enough reason for him to get moving? Careful not to wake her, he began inching away from beneath her, untangling their limbs as he crawled from the bed.
When he stood up and looked down at her, his heart pounded at the way she grumbled in her sleep and her arm reached out. Was she seeking him out, even while unconscious? That’s what it looked like. After a few seconds, she settled back into a deep sleep, and he carefully pulled the covers up over her and removed temptation from his sight.
And yet, a minute later, he found his eyes caressing her face. Yeah, he had to get away from here, because everything inside him told him not to leave and that was more than enough reason to run as fast as he could.